"Kisses From Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption"...

  Katie Davis is a 22 year old girl…who lives in Uganda and is the Mother of 14 adopted little girls.  More than that though, at least for me... after reading her book (“Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption”), Katie Davis is the perfect example of what God can do with a life completely surrendered to Him!

  I started Reading Katie’s blog about a month ago when one of my friends mentioned her story and told me I should check it out.  I remember sitting down at my computer to read it and not moving for over an hour.  And as I read post… after post …after post about her life and how God was using her to make a Difference for Him, I knew God was speaking to me….showing me what Surrender looks like.

  Then I found out Katie’s book was hitting stores this month and I kept trying to remind myself to check it out, but to be honest I forgot the exact date it was coming. Luckily for me one of our regular customers came into my bookstore the other day looking for a book about “a young girl in some distant country who adopted all these kids” and right away I knew what she was talking about and that I had to start reading immediately!  I can honestly say I DO NOT regret that decision!

  Although much of Katie’s story involves the 14 young girls she’s adopted, it also tells about how God has used her to provide Food and Education to Hundreds of Kids in the surrounding villages.  It talks about How God can use someone who willingly says “Yes” to Him, to bring Hope, Love, and Restoration to individuals, families, communities and ultimately the world.  Reading about people on the brink of death being brought back to life, is nothing more than a miracle of God, and to think that these are stories from Today…right now…makes it all the more powerful!

  But don’t think Katie’s story is all flowers and butterflies!  No, like I said, this is a story about Surrender!  For a girl who at 18 years old was homecoming queen, class president, in a committed relationship, and with a bright future that consisted of college, marriage and everything that is the “American Dream”….moving to Uganda, alone, against her parents’ wishes for her to go to college, in order to walk the dirt roads, feeding the poor, and taking care of “a village” while sharing in the pain and suffering of others, is anything but easy! 

  Yet what I love most about this book is how no matter what, Katie never once takes credit for God’s work!  In fact she says,” I had fantasized about doing something incredible for God and others; what I have learned though is that I can do nothing incredible, but as I follow God into impossible situations, He can work miracles through me”. And again, “I am inadequate and can do nothing without God.  Even with Him I can do very little.  But as I do what I can, I am able to watch Him do what only He can”!  Katie says, “I have learned that something happens when one makes herself available to God; He starts moving in ways no one could imagine”, and after reading her story, I couldn’t agree more!

So This is what it feels like to have a Changing of the Guards...

Lately I’ve been talking a lot about surrender….mostly because it’s all I’ve been thinking about...and the more I think about it, the more I realize that for me surrender is really about giving up control.  I like to be in control… I like knowing what to expect, how to respond, and even that I have the option to change things up if I need to.  But this relationship I have with God doesn’t work when I try to be in control.  I can’t serve two masters….myself and God.  Either God is the Lord of my life and thus has all control, or I can desperately try to hold on to what little control I think I have and spend my life living only for me.  Seems like a pretty obvious choice…albeit not an easy one to live out.

  There are two areas in particular that I feel like God has been challenging me when it comes to this act of surrender and giving up control.  For one, I was recently blessed with a raise at work.  Now in all honesty, I work hard at my job and I do feel that for the most part I put in the effort warranted my pay.  However, because I am my own worst critic, I also see the hundreds of mistakes I make and all the areas in which I need to improve, and with those in mind I know it’s a total blessing to be receiving a raise.  Anyway, when I first found out about my pay increase I immediately felt like God was saying this raise wasn’t “for me”, although to be quite honest I wasn’t really sure what He meant by that.  Then today I came home and in the mail there was a letter from City Team (a ministry based in Oakland, Ca) asking if I would donate money to help feed the thousands of people whom they serve both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner to.  Seeing that letter immediately reminded me of God’s words, and it was like confirmation that yes, God is blessing me so that I can bless others!  A year or so ago if I had received this opportunity, I wouldn’t have been able to give, even if I wanted to.  Now I can give and the question is….do I want to? (Ironically enough, since leaving Oakland, this was the first piece of mail I have received from this Ministry!  Kind of sounds like a God thing to me!)

  The other area I feel like God has been speaking to in terms of surrender and control, is in the area of my relationships.  For me it’s really easy to let people go out of my life.  I understand that relationships, no matter how good or bad they are, aren’t always forever, and so I really have no trouble walking away from people.  So if God was asking me to let go of some people in my life, it honestly wouldn’t feel like much of an act of surrender.  However, instead it feels like God’s asking me to head in the opposite direction…..to let my guard down, invest in people, risk being hurt, even risk being seen in a different light….and in so doing surrender my relationships to Him.  That means not trying to “get” people to like me, not trying to “fit” into whatever role I think people want to see me in.  It means just “BEing” who God created me to be, following  the Spirit and trusting that He will guard my heart and mind in whatever relationships He leads me to.  It’s interesting to me, that even in the past few weeks as I have stepped out to honor Him in this way, I’ve seen Him move.  For example, remember my blog post from last week about my childhood friend who moved in across the street and for who I baked cookies for?  That was one HUGE step of faith for me, trusting God to work in a relationship I felt was broken beyond repair.    Well, in the mail today I also received an invitation from this said friend inviting me to her house warming/engagement party in a week in a half!  I am in awe….here was a door that I thought was closed forever and God seems to be doing the impossible as I step out in faith!

    I don’t know where this path will lead.  I don’t know if any of these things will really make a difference to anyone but me or whether or not these acts of surrender will do anything more than bring me closer to God.  But to be honest, it doesn’t matter.  I want more of God.  I want to know Him more personally and to walk with Him more closely.  I want to love Him more fully and give myself more completely to Him.  And if that’s the only thing that comes from this life of surrender then I will be happy, because I know this is the Abundant Life!

"Not a Fan" by Kyle Ingleman...

For the past year or so I’ve been quite the fan of the I am Second campaign.  Basically it’s a bunch of well known people, getting real in front of the camera, and talking about how they became followers of Christ.  So when I heard about the book “Not a Fan” by Kyle Ingleman , which has a similar aim in that it gets people to look at their said faith and choose who they will really serve, I knew I wanted to read it.  For me, it was pretty much was the kind of book that once again pointed to truths I already knew but also offered me the confirmation I needed about the current path I am on with God.

  The basic premise of the book is that many people are fans of Jesus. They know about him, know his story, know his words, but they don’t know him… just like someone who knows all about their favorite team, actor, music group, etc without actually knowing them personally.  The Challenge of the book is to step beyond just being a fan of Jesus to being his follower.  However the author is honest enough to not sugar coat the walk of faith.  He continually refers to Luke 9:23 which says “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me”, and the fact that the life God calls us to is a life of surrender and servant hood.

  Like I said, for me this was very confirming.  I feel like over the past several weeks God has been calling me deeper and deeper into my relationship with Him.  To trust Him to lead and guide me….to give him control and full reign, even when His way are not my own.  It’s like God’s been saying to me, you can continue talking the talk and doing your own thing, or you can follow me on the adventure of a lifetime by walking it out my way.  It’s not an easy road, it’s not always fun, it’s not always comfortable….but it’s true life…Abundant life.  I can be a fan….or I can choose to go all in and be a follower.  This book was like reading a contract between me and God and how I choose to live my life with be the signature I place on the dotted line!

Sometimes Chips Aren't the only Things in Cookies...

  Growing up I was really good friends with this girl that lived five houses away from me (two backyards if you were willing to hop fences).  We would do everything together...and then go home and talk about it on the phone while staring out our bedroom windows at each other as if we hadn't seen each other for years!  We even talked about one day building a tunnel under ground from my house to hers where we could live together happily ever after.

  But then in sixth grade we had a fight...a big fight...a beat the living crud out of you, leave you bleeding on the ground and crying while I walk away not looking back kind of fight!  After that I didn't talk to her for years....mostly because I was ashamed of what I had done and afraid that she would never forgive me.  In eighth grade we got stuck sitting next to each other on the bus.  I remember that ride like it was yesterday because it was the first time we talked after all those months and years.  In wasn't a long talk...in fact all that she said was "I want you to know I don't hate you"  and all I said was "Oh" (Apparently I've never been good on my feet hee hee)!
  The problem was I couldn't forgive myself and so although our paths would cross here and there over the next couple of years, we were never really friends again.  As life goes, we grew apart...she had her life...I had mine.  I heard here and there about different things that were going on with her, but I never really stepped out to try and bridge our gap, even though I knew she could probably use a friend!
  Last week her mom informed that she had bought a house in our neighborhood with her fiance and two kids! I can actually see her new house from my bedroom window, just like old times.  As soon as I heard the news I wanted to go over and talk to her....welcome her to the neighborhood...let her know that I'm in her corner.  So today I decided to bake cookies and bring them over, but as they cooked I felt myself becoming more and more nervous.  What if she hated me, what if she looked down on me, what if I just ended up looking like an idiot!
  I had a choice....try or not....step out or hide out.  So I got down on my knees and I surrendered it to God.  I told Him how I didn't want this to be about me and how I truly just wanted to bless her and let her know how excited I am for her!  When I got up off my knees I walked out the door and over to her house, cookies in hand.  I rang the door bell....no answer.  I knocked....no answer.  I went to the other door...still no answer.  At this point I was feeling like an idiot (just like I feared) and started to assume that she must really hate me now.  So I walked back home...deflated.
  As I began getting ready to head out for the afternoon and run errands I just kept feeling like I can't give up on this.  So I grabbed the cookies, some paper and tape...then hoped in my car, ran my errands and ended up right back at her house.  Again...there was no answer.  So instead I wrote her a note...taped it to the cookies...and left it by her door.  I don't know what will come of this...if anything.  I don't know if she will read my note or if we will ever talk again.  This was not how I expected it to go...BUT  I've surrendered it to God and I will continue to do so as I continue to reach out to her and her family...and I will just  trust him that he will have HIS way in this.  Amen.

The Growing Pains of Surrender....

     So a few months ago I was reading one of my favorite blogs and I really felt challenged that if I am going to say I am a Christian then my life should basically show it.  For over a year I feel like I’ve been talking a big game when it comes to my faith, but looking around I sometimes wonder where’s the fruit of those words.  Then a few weeks ago I began reading the book “Not a fan” by Kyle Ingleman and once again felt challenged to truly surrender my life to Christ and to be willing to be used for him no matter what it looks like.  So, I began praying that God would help to me daily (even hourly or minutely if need be) to surrender to him and whatever he wants to do through me.

    Well the other day I had one of those moments that I believe was an answer to that prayer.  You see, I happened to walk in on a conversation two people were having about Thee Church and right away I got excited because I felt like this is it…my chance to really be used of God!  I was so excited and so badly wanted to join the conversation that I ended up kind of forcing it, then saying something pretty ridiculous, and eventually walking away feeling like I blew this golden opportunity.  Both of these people had been hurt by the church and all I wanted to do was share with them about the God I serve who loves them, and gave himself for them that they might find true life and forgiveness through him.  And instead, it felt like I just failed them….and God!

  Then tonight I was standing in line at the grocery store and the guy in front of me was talking to the couple in front of him about the bible.  At first his words were pretty eloquent, but before I knew it he was basically telling these people that God’s only plan for them was that they would be happy and rich (where is that in the bible?!?!).  So I decided to try my hand again and add my two cents….except this time what I ended up sounding like was one of those fire and brimstone preachers who tells everyone they are going to hell!  Strike out number two!

  When I got home I felt pretty horrible….how is it possible that within 36 hours I’ve blown my witness twice?!?!  The great thing about God though is that he never gives up on me.  And so tonight, I found myself at my computer, reading through some emails and messages from this morning and it was like God was putting his fingers right into my heart and burning these words into my heart, “it's not ME but it’s HIM who works in people. My responsibility is to surrender my life to him and to trust him to use it for the people he already surrendered his life for!”  In fact…those were my own words from a message I sent to a friend earlier this day! 

  The bible says in 1 Corinthians 3:5-9 that “One sows, another waters, but its GOD who makes the seed grow”!  I think what God’s trying to teach me is that surrendering to Him, means allowing Him to do His work through me….His way…and for His glory.  Surrendering means taking a step out in faith and trusting no matter what the outcome its God who will work his will out through it.  Surrendering means not forcing my way or seeking my own agenda, but instead being lead by God and allowing Him to set the agenda.  Surrendering means saying YES to God and giving Him the rest.  Sometimes its scary and hard and often uncomfortable, but the more I step out in God, the more I’m realizing that truly this is abundant life!

To Love and to TRUST...

  This morning I went to visit a church in Marlborough with one of my friends, and the pastor preached on the story in Genesis where Abraham goes up the mountain to sacrifice his son Isaac.  Basically the main point of his message was that God is asking us the same thing He was asking Abraham in that story….”Do you love me” and “Do you trust me”.  As I’ve gone through this afternoon, I’ve been mulling those questions over in my mind and I realize that I find it quite easy to say “God I love you”,  but in all honesty….it’s really hard for me to say “God I trust you”. 

  The thing is I don’t think I’ve ever really trusted God completely.  Yeah I’ve trusted Him in part.  I’ve trusted Him when it was easy, or when I have felt like I had no clue what to do so I might as well trust in him.  I’ve trusted Him when it has felt right to and when I had nowhere else to turn.  But at other times, when everything has felt like it’s falling apart, when God’s way has seemed pretty whacked out, and I’m stressed about the outcome….well, my tendency has been to abandon ship.  In fact, sadly, it’s kind of a theme with me…..when things get hard, I run away…

  The reality is though, it’s not just with God that trust is such an issue.  I tend to not trust people very much either.  Most people live their lives trusting in others until they give them a reason not to.  I usually wait for people to prove they are trust worthy to me before really investing.  Most people think “Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me”, where as I think “Fool my once, shame on me.  Fool me twice and well, we might as well not be friends”.  This is such a bad attitude for me to have, especially in the community of God!

  And that brings me back to today’s sermon, because sitting in today’s service, listening to this pastor, I felt like God was asking me a question….”Will you trust me enough to stay where I have you even though it’s uncomfortable?”.  God knows me enough to know that at this point in my life there are some things/people I just want to give up on and run away from.  I’ve pushed people away, I’ve separated myself as best as I can from situations, I’ve packed my bags and I am ready to run from them……and here’s God…..stopping me in my tracks….looking me in the eye and asking me…..”Will you stay…and Trust me?”

   So maybe God’s not asking me to give up my only son for him, like he asked of Abraham, but the need for a sacrifice is still the same.  Will I love him enough to lay down my pride, my hurt, my desires….and just TRUST Him…here….now?!?!  I say yes God….I love you and I will trust you!