How do you let go and let God?!...

By nature, I expect bad things to happen when I start investing in people.  

Experience has taught me that....

people will hurt you... 
talk about you... 
tell you off... 
shove you under the bus... 
disappoint you... 
fail you...
disrespect you...
and take advantage of you.  

Sometimes it will happen by accident, sometimes it will be intentional...but none the less, it will happen.  

So my gut reaction is to build up walls... 
keep people at bay.. 
and protect myself...

 no matter what it takes.

 But.... 
 ...then...
 there's another part of me...
 the part that wants to live fully and completely for God..
 ..and I know...
 that to truly love God I need to love others
 ....and that means getting involved in the mess.

It means...
breaking down my walls...
Opening up my heart...
giving of myself and my time....
offering forgiveness...
turning the other cheek...
loving even when it hurts...
and stepping out of my comfort zone...
forever.

It means...
Not trying to protect myself, but trusting God to protect me...
Not trying to control everything, but trusting the God who is in control of everything...
Not trying to feel loved by others, but loving them with the love God's given me.

It's a life of humbleness....
and self-less-ness...
A life of beauty...
and ashes...
A Life that can only be lived through complete surrender to God.

I want to live like this...
I don't just want to talk about it...
I want to be it.
 
Lord Help me.

Amen.