So last night I borrowed the book “fat Chance” by Julie Hadden from work (gotta love the book borrowing plan that they have for employees at Barnes and Noble) and I gotta say that I couldn’t have decided to read it at a more perfect time. As anyone who has been reading my blog over the past few months can tell, I have been having a really hard time getting back on track with my weight loss journey. And I guess in part my struggle has been to somehow figure out all over again why I’m worth it. That whole concept use to come so easily to me. I would work out for hours on end and push my body to extremes in order to lose weight because I knew without shadow of a doubt that I was worth it and that I would/could do anything I put my mind/body to do! Then I got within 20lbs of my goal…20 measly pounds…and somehow I forgot…I forgot that I am worth it…that I deserve it… that I could do it. And 20 measly pounds from my goal I gave up and gave in. Before I knew it I had put on more weight than I wanted to admit and I no longer believed in myself or my worth. I’ve tried a million ways over this past year to figure it out all over again… to remind myself why it’s all worth it… and to believe that I could stick with it…. And yet each time after only a week or two I would fall back into this state of “what’s the point”. Now I understand the danger in putting this out there so early into my knew found hope (cause as you might have notice my track record hasn’t been all the great as of late), but tonight I feel like I can do anything again… Like I can do this…like I am worth it. And I think in part it came from reading Julie’s book and letting it remind me of a Jillian Michaels quote that I use to keep at the forefront of my mind during every workout and at every meal.
You see I am an avid Biggest Loser watcher. I’ve seen almost every season, including the seasons in Australia, and at times I use the experiences of those people in those seasons to push myself to do what I know needs to be done. In particular there are certain scenes that always stick out to me and I play back in my mind. One of those scenes is from the third season of the biggest loser Australia. In this particular scene Jillian has the entire black team running on the treadmills and one by one she asks them to tell her something about themselves. When she comes to this girl named Carrie-anne(?) she can’t think of anything good to say about herself and Jillian says to her “If you can’t say anything good about yourself how will anyone else ever”?!?!
In my mind I always extend the quote to say things like “If you don’t think your beautiful how will anyone else ever? If you don’t believe in yourself how will anyone else ever? If you don’t think you are worth it how will anyone else ever?, etc”. Tonight…after reading a few more chapters in Julie’s book I’ve extended the quote again. This time I think “If you don’t believe in yourself WHY should anyone else? If you don’t think you’re worth it WHY should anyone else? If you don’t want to take the time to invest in yourself WHY should anyone else waste their time doing so”!
You see if we don’t take the time to make ourselves a priority, we are telling the rest of the world that we don’t matter (in fact we are showing it by the fact that we don’t take care of ourselves). Now I believe in God and I believe in creation…therefore I also have a firm belief that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thus, if I am worth it to God to put in all the effort of creating me…and keeping me alive thus far…. Then I must have value. I am worth it!
When my weight loss journey first began, a lot of motivation came from wanting to prove to a certain someone in my life that I wasn’t a “Nobody”…funny thing is that looking back now I realize that even in my lowest low I always knew I was “somebody” because if I didn’t I wouldn’t have even tried to put up a fight to prove that I was! Tonight I am thankful that the fire has been sparked up again….the reminder has been placed in my heart. I am valuable, I am worth it, I know I am…and the best way to prove it is to live it out each moment of my life. It’s making decisions about food that say I know I’m powerful. It’s working out in ways that say I’m strong. It’s holding my head up high and knowing no matter where the road leads I will finish this journey because I am worth it!
Thanks Julie for reminding me of that tonight!
Jess
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