"And it's crazy when love gets a hold of you. And it's crazy things that love will make you do. And it's crazy but it's true, You really don't know love at all, 'Til it's making you do Something crazy"
(Something Crazy ~ Steven Curtis Chapman)
For the last several weeks I have been so confident and peaceful about leaving my job. I honestly know, that I know, that I know this is God. There really hasn't been any question in my mind about it at all. Until the other night. I don't know why it was then that I all of a sudden started freaking out ....but laying in bed trying to fall asleep....I was just so overcome with how CRAZY this is! Who leaves a perfectly good job, that they are actually really good at, which provides them with the comfort of security, and allows them a little cushion to fall back on "just in case"?!?! It's a bad economy....people are doing everything in their power to find jobs and here I am willingly leaving mine?!?! This is crazy! And yet....even in the midst of my freak out....I felt like God was whispering to me...."Don't worry....I've Got this...Follow me.....I have you in the palm of my hand"!
I can't tell you how comforting that last phrase was..."I have you in the palm of my hand". I've always sort of struggled with thinking of God has my Daddy....a parent holding me in His arms. Don't get me wrong....I have a wonderful earthly father who I love deeply and whom I know loves me deeply....but to transfer that kind of relationship to my relationship with God has been hard. Yet I had this moment in Ecuador that some how opened the door for me to start getting it.
It was one of the first days we were there and the first time we stepped foot in one of the orphanages. One of my teammates had offered me this beautiful brown haired little girl that I had instantly fallen in love with from the moment I saw her from across the play ground. I held her for hours...just walking around the play area rocking her and praying over her has she dozed off and on, resting in my arms. At some point in the midst of the afternoon there was this moment where it seemed as if time stopped....everything faded....and it was as if God spoke to my heart that just like I was holding this little one, He was holding me....I was in the palm of His hand.
For most of my Christian walk I feel like I've been a cholicy baby and a fussy toddler. I've called out to father God, time and time again asking him to pick me up and when he has, I've wiggled and squirmed my way out of His arms. Yet He's never once stopped picking me up....He's never once given up on me. He loves me. He longs for me to just trust Him and rest in His arms while He rocks me and prays over me and speaks His wisdom into my heart. Holding my brown haired lovely little Girl in Ecuador....and sensing God speak to me in the midst of it....all of a sudden this all started to make sense....God's is my father...my Daddy...and my Daddy is in control. And the other night, while I was laying in bed freaking out....it was like God was reminding me... He still IS.
So while it is honestly crazy what I am doing....and while it is completely counter-cultural and one of those moments when I'm betting it all and going all out for God....I know it's going to be okay. God's in control...He's my daddy...and He's got this!