So remember a few months ago when I wrote about my struggles with the "B" word? Oh you don't? Well you can check out a refresher Here . Basically, for the past year or so I've questioned every thing and anything having to do with baptism...from why we do it, to should I do it, to what is it truly symbolizing....and while it took me a LONG time to come around, today was the day I got baptized!
The decision to finally go for it ultimately came down to two things. One, after many...many...many questions about it...my pastor offered me a really great analogy of baptism. He said that just like a Wedding ring is the symbol of a marriage covenant, baptism is the symbol of the new covenant....or how I understood it, the symbol of my commitment to God and His to me. For me, that one statement cleared away all the "clutter" and lack of understanding I had about baptism and truly made me want to make this public declaration of my relationship with Christ.
The second thing it came down to was trusting God...and my pastor...to dunk me in water. I don't like to be touched....and the idea of somebody else holding me under water (okay so dunking and holding are two completely different things but in my mind they felt like the same), scared the crap out of me. And while my pastor was very willing reformat things to make it a little less uncomfortable/scary for me (by pouring water over my head instead of dunking), I realized that if this moment was truly going to be about symbolizing my covenant with God, then I didn't want that symbol to say, "God I trust you right up until the moment I'm uncomfortable and then I'll make my own way". So I let Him dunk me...and I didn't drown, or get dropped, or hit my head on the stairs...and it was beautiful!
I think it's funny how so often I feel like God is leading me into something, but I freak out about it until I actually do it, and then I wonder, "Why was I so afraid?"! I wonder if God's in heaven shaking His head just a bit, grinning and maybe even giggling as He watches me stumble my way through following Him in the midst of my fears. It must be like a parent watching their toddler learn to walk in the beginning....you're excited for them, you know they can do it, but their shaky legs make those few steps feel like an adventure of a life time to them!
I know that the next few months of my life are going to be pretty interesting....the last few months certainly were....and it seems that God is only continuing to stir things up in my heart. And I know there will probably be more moments when I'll freak out as I walk in obedience to Him, but I'm still going to chose to obey....because like I said in the testimony I shared at church today, I finally understand that I was created for God's glory and my life truly does belong to Him!