Monday, June 28, 2010

The life of rememberance....

  So last night I watched the movie "Remember Me" with my sister and although it wasn't anything I expected it turned out to be a very well thought out movie and I highly enjoyed it.  It was one of those movies where at the end you sit there for a moment....and all these memories come flooding back to your mind....and you end up being so thankful for the life you have. There are so many times in life that I take everything for granted.  I assume things will always be there or a certain way because they always have been.  And it usually takes something drastic to make me realise what I have.
  In my weight loss journey I often have the same attitude.  It's been over two years now that I've lived under three hundred pounds and I take very simple things completely for granted.  There was a time when reaching down to tie my shoe was difficult and when running three houses down the street would completely take my breath away.  Now when I do those things I don't even think about it.
  Not that I'm saying I should dwell on the past, but remembering where I have come from...and all the hard work it's taken me to get to where I am... it makes me appreciate what I am able to do now and drives me to want to keep improving.  Nobody knows what will happen in life...none of us are guaranteed tomorrow... so in the words of mother Teresa "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are".

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Barriers, Belief and Being Satisfied…

So it’s Sunday and for the most part every Sunday I go to church. Now I like church. For me it’s not this boring thing you do to hopefully appease the gods, but instead it’s a place where I find strength, and peace, and hope. There’s just something so powerful to me when people of the same belief come together and stand shoulder to shoulder seeking to worship and understand more about their creator. Anyway, this morning I woke up and was completely dragging my feet while getting ready for service. Instead of looking forward to being in fellowship, I found myself debating whether or not I should just skip it for the day. Well of course I went and about half way through the sermon it dawned on me what my issue was.

You see, for most of my life I’ve been very introverted. I love to spend time with people but because 99.9% of the time I make some sort of an idiot of myself in front of others, I tend to shy away from too much interaction. Well, contrary to my normal position, this week I’ve been very social and put myself out there in a lot of different ways. It’s been really fun…but it’s also been very stretching. In fact most nights I come home and journaled about how foolish I felt or what type of failure I must have come across as.

Today in his sermon my pastor said something along the lines of “Don’t allow your faults to keep you back from serving God” and although he was talking more about our spiritual relationships, I realized that it was this exact attitude that was keeping me from wanting to go to church today. Like pretty much everyone else in this world, I want to be accepted and I seem to think that in order to be so I have to be perfect. I don’t go to church with perfect people, I don’t work with perfect people, and I certainly don’t have a family full of perfect people…. So why is it I think my faults are the very reason to not even attempt to form real relationships?! Why do I look to run away instead of run to the very things I need the most?

I also think it’s this same dynamic of perfectionism that so much entangles me in my weight loss journey. Over the past several months I have found myself caught up in this cycle where I start realizing that I don’t live up in any way to this standard that society or just people in general have. So I subconsciously turn to food for some sort of comfort. Then after eating my way through a whole bag of chips or enough take out to feed a small family, I feel even worse about myself. Which in turn leads me to seek comfort again….which is usually with more food (although it’s more of a subconscious decision)…and the cycle continues. When will I learn to seek comfort in things that actually satisfy and break the cycle?


Friday, June 18, 2010

Grossology 101: AKA lessons in stupidiy

So yesterday afternoon my sister and I went on a walk on the trails near her house in Tariffville (which as a side note, the rails to trails system in the Simsbury/Granby area is gorgeous so if you are ever up in that area check it out). Well I had spent the previous night at her house and although I had an inclination that we would probably end up going for a walk, I forgot one very important thing….my sneakers! Well in my mind I figured that since I had already borrowed a t-shirt from my sister earlier in the day (I did laundry and didn’t have time to dry my clothes all the way before bringing the girls out for breakfast…so I needed to borrow something), I might as well borrow some sneakers from her too. One problem…my sister wears 9 ½ size shoes and I wear 11! When I tried her shoes on they actually did fit….even though they were tight. So I figured why not just use them it’s only a three mile walk! Turns out that was a very stupid idea! Exhibit A would be the huge blister I received on two of my toes (which is pretty much the exact same thing I now have on the back of my heel too). So let this be a lesson to all of us….wearing the correct size sneakers is imperative!


Thursday, June 17, 2010

IHOP has healthy options...

  So this morning I decided to treat my nieces to breakfast out (that way we got out of the house  giving mommy some peace and I got to spend special times with them).  Well I just started counting calories again (because as Jillian Michaels must if you want results... and I'm starting to agree) and so I was hoping to find something halfway decent to eat at IHOP (where the kids wanted to go).  Turns out IHOP has a healthy options meanu!  For 350 calories I had a spinach, mushroom, and egg omlette with mixed fruit...and it was yummy!  Score one for the International House of Pancakes (and one for me who chose the healthier option for once!)!