Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thankful for Change?!?!

  So its thanksgiving Eve….and there is almost nothing more appropriate to do on a night like tonight than to reflect on all the millions of things I am thankful for….and believe me there is plenty!   I am thankful for my family, for my faith, for my job, for my life…and probably more than I ever have been before, I am thankful for my friendships.
  Throughout my life I have been what could be considered by some as sort of a recluse.  Now, I’ve always had friends, but I never really trusted people enough to let them truly get to know me.  And although deep down I always wanted that real connection with people,  I just didn’t believe that if people got to know the real me, that they would continue to want that same connection in return.  So I went through life pretending to let people in but honestly holding my heart captive in a locked up cell that would never really let people get close. 
  Over the years I obviously did form relationships with people….some relationships that have since fallen apart and some that to this day I truly delight in.  But this year….without me even noticing how or when… I have formed some amazing friendships with people who I truly want to know and who genuinely care about me.  I don’t have to do anything to “make” them be my friend….I don’t have to be perfect to “keep” them as my friends….they just are….and it blows my mind!
  There’s a quote about change from the movie “Life as a House” that goes....

“You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is.”

… and although my circumstances aren’t anything like what is going on in that movie when that quote was made, it explains perfectly what this year has been for me.  I am not the same person I was when this year started.  Yeah I still have my perfectionist tendencies and I still worry way too much about stupid things, but finally I am living life…real life….up and down and all around, crazy messed up life!  And let me tell you this is one change I am TRULY THANKFUL for!

Monday, November 22, 2010

The Blessing of being out of control...

  Earlier this year I started doing this thing where on the way to work instead of listening to the radio I pray.  Honestly my prayers usually consist of “Dear God please Help me to have a good day…Not make mistakes…get along with people”…yada yada yada….and today was no different…well except the fact that about five minutes into my ride I was struck with this thought…

“Live your life in such a way that you bless others and control yourself instead of trying to control others and bless yourself”

  Now I’m not really one of those cooky people who would say that this was a word from God….The heavens didn’t part and no doves appeared with the message.  Yet I’ve never read or heard this thought before…and after it popped in my head I couldn’t get it out.  In Fact from that moment on I couldn’t stop thinking about it….and that’s when my prayer started to Change.  Instead of asking God to basically have my day go according to my plans, I found myself instead asking him to have his way and help me to have the kind of attitude that would honor him no matter what came my way.
  I wish I could tell you that from that moment on my day went amazingly well, that I kept a great attitude and certainly felt the blessings of God….but that’s just not true.  Instead I felt even more aware of my attitudes and actions….and ultimately ended my day with a deeper understanding of how desperately I need God….I can’t do this on my own (a perfect lesson for all areas of my life)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

A whole is the sum total of all it's parts....

  This weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to attend the Women of Faith Conference.  I loved soaking in all the information and encouragement that I received.  So much knowledge was in that room that I still find myself trying to process it all (which will probably take a while)!   I honestly had little to no clue who most of the speakers were, but each of them definitely left an imprint on my heart and life.  One thing that really hit me about the speakers was how real they were.  They would share their struggles and hardships and it made me realize that they aren’t all that different from me after all.  In fact two of them shared a bit about their weight issues and I really connected to them in that. 
  Most people I know now have no idea how much I struggled (and continue to struggle) with my weight and my body.  Yeah I am the girl that last 130lbs in a year…but I don’t go around telling people unless they ask.  Therefore most people assume that I’ve always been this weight and/or that I’m over all my issues …but I’m not.  I still struggle to look at myself in the mirror and think I’m pretty.  I still struggle to allow people to hug me or get physically close to me.  I struggle with feeling like a hypocrite for gaining back weight that I lost.  I even struggle with knowing I’ll never be perfect.
  Yet hearing these ladies stories….how all the struggles and hardships they have seem to somehow also be covered in the blanket of their faith…made me notice something really important about myself and my journey.   In all the time I’ve been on this journey I’ve always viewed it was this separate struggle….separate from my emotional journey and even my spiritual journey.  The way these ladies spoke about their own lives helped me to see that all those separate things are actually part of the same journey!
   In fact there was a moment this weekend when I began to think about this blog and it dawned on me how without even knowing it I appropriately named this to cover ALL aspects of the journey I am on.  In my mind it makes so much sense now….check it out…
*a Diary is a place where girls tend to write out everything they are feeling, which is in part my emotional journey
* Weight Loss, well, that’s exactly what I am trying to accomplish in my physical journey
*A Warrior, defined as someone who is “distinguished in fighting”, which is not something I would normally ever consider myself  but  as A Christian is what God calls me to be in his kingdom, speaks to my spiritual journey.
  So yeah this is my blog…a diary of a weight loss warrior…where from now on I feel a freedom to share all aspects of my journey with you….cause this journey is definitely more than just physical!


Sunday, November 14, 2010

Streaking....and I'm not talking about running around with no clothes on!

So a few weeks ago I started reading the book “the Spark”.  I only got a few chapters in (not that it wasn’t a good book…because it was) but in those few chapters I came across a story about the authors wellness journey.  In the story he shared that he would motivate himself by creating streaks in his life.  For example, he would get up and exercise every day…day after day after day.  After a while he had this long streak going of how many days in a row he had worked out that it became a motivating factor to work out because he didn’t want to break the streak.
  Thinking about this…I decided to start my own streak this morning.  Lately I have been the most unhealthiest person in the world.  Not working out…not really eating healthy…frustrated with my body but doing nothing but complaining about it.  So I decided it was time to do something…I decided to get up this morning an hour early and go for a walk.  I know, I know…a walk doesn’t sound all that intense…but I realize in a sense I am back at the start of a whole new weight loss journey and therefore I got to start where I’m at…which is back at the beginning.  So walking it is….
Let the streak building begin!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Random babble...because sometimes you just have to say something!

  Once again here it is 7 days into a new month and I have yet to post a new blog! I guess part of the problem for me is not that I don't have anything to say, but rather that what I do have to say has very little if anything to do with weight loss.  It use to be when I worked out or went running that at entire time my mind was set on the action I was doing.  However lately I find myself out running and thinking about things like my faith, or my friends.  Instead of exercise being this almost selfish thing I do to please myself and feel's actually become more of a time to clear my mind and become real with myself so that I can become more real with the world around me.
  That being said I don't want to negate the fact that this is a weight loss blog and therefore in that vein I will also mention that it's DAY LIGHT SAVINGS DAY!  Yeay...that means the sun will be out in the morning again...and I can get back to consistently working out by doing it in the morning rather than night! 
  So here's to a new week!