Monday, June 6, 2011
I can't begin to explain how vulnerable and exposed I have left lately. It's has if God has opened me up and pulled out my organs, examining them with His light...piece by piece... with the whole world watching. Reading this book, in this moment, has been like a breath of fresh air reminding me that my imprefections do no turn God away and that in fact it's in my weakness that he's able to do his best work! Plus there's something so freeing about reading a spiritual memior in which the main character doesn't all of a sudden get it all right the moment he/she turns to God (In fact I think the fact that Lamott is open to sharing her struggles and how she reconciles her life and faith into one, that makes me appreciate this book so much). So if you haven't read "Traveling Mercies"....I highly recommend it!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
I've been in this really strange place in my relationship with God the past few weeks. On the one hand I know He's up to something...I can feel His finger stirring things up in my heart....I can see the effects of Him in the choices I find myself making and the actions I am taking. But on the other hand, I can't for the life of me tell you what that "something" He is up to is.....and that's hard for me! I hate having all these feelings and half-formed thoughts flying around inside of me....and yet not having a way to let them out...to express them...to do something with them! I struggle to want to be able to gain control over what feels like is my mess...and yet I recognize that maybe this is the point....I'm not in control...God is! But still...it's not easy living in this balance....
"Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly"....I know God's working on me...moving in me...doing something...even if it feels like chaos...and really all I can do is surrender!