Thursday, June 2, 2011

You took the Lyrics right out of my own Heart...

  I've been in this really strange place in my relationship with God the past few weeks.  On the one hand I know He's up to something...I can feel His finger stirring things up in my heart....I can see the effects of Him in the choices I find myself making and the actions I am taking.  But on the other hand, I can't for the life of me tell you what that "something" He is up to is.....and that's hard for me!  I hate having all these feelings and half-formed thoughts flying around inside of me....and yet not having a way to let them express do something with them!  I struggle to want to be able to gain control over what feels like is my mess...and yet I recognize that maybe this is the point....I'm not in control...God is!  But's not easy living in this balance....
 Yet I keep pressing on and as I continue on in my walk...I seem to come to these moments where even in the midst of the struggle, I find peace.  It's almost as if I'm a blind person longing for some frame of reference and God is placing my hand on the nearest wall.  I still may not be able see where I am going....but by feeling my way around....I have some sense that it's all right.  It's like the song "Something Heavenly" by Sanctus Real, which says..
"Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly"
  ....I know God's working on me...moving in me...doing something...even if it feels like chaos...and really all I can do is surrender!  


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