Cause Everyone Needs SomeONE....

  Over the past few days I have been thinking a lot about the shooting that took place at the Dark Night premiere in Aurora, Colorado.  12 dead....58 wounded....lives forever changed. My heart aches.  I grieve with the families and friends who lost a loved one...I grieve with the injured and traumatized....and I grieve for the heart of the 24 year old boy named James Holmes who came to a point in his life where doing something like this became an option.  I know this is not a popular opinion.  He's a murder....a monster, as people have been saying.... yet I can't help but just see him as a  person...a person who committed a horrible crime....but none the less a person....  And I can't help but wonder what happen in his life to bring him to this point.  Was there not a single person in his life with whom he could confide.....a single person who he could share some of his burden with....someone to talk him down from edge?  I know nothing about the mentality of a mass murder, but as someone who has a hard time sharing my inner struggles with people, I can't help but wonder if things would have been different if someone...anyone...just kept trying to reach him....to break down his walls...to just love him.   I think that's one of the greatest challenges I'll take away from this tragedy....to learn to be that ONE person for people.

  In fact I think that's part of what  God calls us to do as Christians....to love people with the uncontrollable love of the father.  Too often we just care about people to the point that we can make them into who we think they ought to be, but I think God's love is deeper than that.  It's a love that's not about us and our comfort but rather a reflection and an overflowing of the love we received on the cross.  We like to compare our sins...to think that my little lie makes me better than you who cheated on your husband.  But I don't think that's how God sees it.  We are ALL sinners....ALL in desperate need of Him....and ALL lucky enough to be loved by the ONE person who can make us right with Himself!  We don't earn His love....we certainly don't deserve it...and yet He still loves us and gave His son for us.  And it's out of the overflow of this love that we can now love others...being the ONE...and pointing to the ONE who can change everything for them.  That's who I want to be.....ONE who reflects the ONE....everyday...in all I do...with everyone!

Cause it's Not About Us....

  I seem to be kind of hard headed lately...well okay, I've pretty much been that way my whole life....and while I wish God would just MAKE me get "Get it" in an instant, normally it's a process...a long...drawn out...messy process!  I'm in the midst of LOTS of those processes right now, but it seems that one of those lessons that I keep running head long into EVERY SINGLE DAY is that I am not responsible for the attitude or actions of anyone else, but rather I will be held accountable for how I choose to live MY life....and whether or not I do it for God's glory!

  Too often in the midst of my day I get annoyed because I feel like I'm constantly giving and giving and giving of myself.  I look around me and see people not working as hard as me, not trying as much as me, not giving as much as I feel I am....and I just want to give up!  Why should I keep fighting the good fight if nobody else is?!?!  Why should I always give my best if others are only working half-hearted?!?!  Why should I bother even trying if I am never going to see any fruit?!?!  And then....in the midst of my whining and complaining, I hear a still small voice whisper...."because I did it for you"!  

  God has changed my heart in so many ways in the past year....and while He's still working on me, I know that who I am and who I become is all for HIS glory!  So if it's for HIM and not me...then it doesn't matter what other people say, or do, how they act or even how they treat me....because my life isn't a response to them but to HIM!  To GOD be the GLORY!

Cause Gifts were Never Meant to be Burdens....

  The other day I was hanging out with one of my sisters and she made a simple comment about how I’ll always be around to help take care of her kids with her…and that one sentence, said in passing, hit me like a ton of bricks!  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my sister…I LOVE her and would give up everything for her….and I LOVE my nieces so deeply that it’s as if they are my own children!  I cherish EVERY moment I have with them and I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world!  Yet…there are times when I realize that in the midst of being there for them….I’ve kind of lost myself!  My sister would never ask me to give up my life for hers….that’s not something she would put on me…that’s not who she is!  But….it’s still something I would do... and I would put that on myself….because that is who I am! 

  You see I’ve become quite accustomed in life to being what it is I think people need and/or want me to be.  Need a babysitter?  I’m up for volunteering!  Need a listening ear?  I can learn to be quiet!  Need help with a project?  I am at your service!  Need a running buddy?  I’m good to go!  Need …anything really?  I’ll find a way to help you out!  It’s like I’ve taken the verses in the bible where Paul talks about “being all things to all people” to the extreme…and completely left off the fact that all this “effort” is suppose to lead people to Christ!  Instead, it leads people to me….I’m the “Go-To” girl….and I like being that……problem is….that was never meant to be my role!  While it’s good to serve people, help people, be there for people….I can’t and shouldn’t work to hold them together!  I can’t carry every bodies burdens…the weight of the world is too heavy for my shoulders….so why do keep putting it on myself to do so?!

    I guess in a way it’s my way of making myself feel important.  If I’m always there for you, then you’ll know you can always come to me if you need something.  And well if you need me then I feel important, like I matter.  But…what happens when you no longer need me?  Do I seize to be important….Do I no longer matter?  I think that’s something the Devil has tried to convince me of for years.  He’s had me running around doing “trick” after “trick”, performing for people to get their applause....as if my value lies solely in what they think of me!  And I’ve fallen for the lie time and time again!

  This performance mentality has become some deeply engrained in me though that it’s hard at times to know how to let it go.  It’s my security…my safety net… my Plan B!  But what I think God’s been showing me lately is that it’s time to let it go…..to release the reigns to Him….and to Trust Him to be my security, my safety net, my plan A-Z!  He’s the only one capable of handling it all!  And while it’s a gift from Him to have a heart to be there for people, it was never meant to be a burden!  The bible says, “Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you”…and so tonight I do just that! 

  God help me to place my security and trust solely in you!  Teach me to rely on you completely and to place my value in who you say I am!  Teach me in my heart to accept your love so that I can love others unconditionally and without burden!  Show me the true meaning of “being all things to all people”…that I might lead others to you!  Amen.