The other day I was hanging out with one of my sisters and she made a simple comment about how I’ll always be around to help take care of her kids with her…and that one sentence, said in passing, hit me like a ton of bricks! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my sister…I LOVE her and would give up everything for her….and I LOVE my nieces so deeply that it’s as if they are my own children! I cherish EVERY moment I have with them and I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world! Yet…there are times when I realize that in the midst of being there for them….I’ve kind of lost myself! My sister would never ask me to give up my life for hers….that’s not something she would put on me…that’s not who she is! But….it’s still something I would do... and I would put that on myself….because that is who I am!
You see I’ve become quite accustomed in life to being what it is I think people need and/or want me to be. Need a babysitter? I’m up for volunteering! Need a listening ear? I can learn to be quiet! Need help with a project? I am at your service! Need a running buddy? I’m good to go! Need …anything really? I’ll find a way to help you out! It’s like I’ve taken the verses in the bible where Paul talks about “being all things to all people” to the extreme…and completely left off the fact that all this “effort” is suppose to lead people to Christ! Instead, it leads people to me….I’m the “Go-To” girl….and I like being that……problem is….that was never meant to be my role! While it’s good to serve people, help people, be there for people….I can’t and shouldn’t work to hold them together! I can’t carry every bodies burdens…the weight of the world is too heavy for my shoulders….so why do keep putting it on myself to do so?!
I guess in a way it’s my way of making myself feel important. If I’m always there for you, then you’ll know you can always come to me if you need something. And well if you need me then I feel important, like I matter. But…what happens when you no longer need me? Do I seize to be important….Do I no longer matter? I think that’s something the Devil has tried to convince me of for years. He’s had me running around doing “trick” after “trick”, performing for people to get their applause....as if my value lies solely in what they think of me! And I’ve fallen for the lie time and time again!
This performance mentality has become some deeply engrained in me though that it’s hard at times to know how to let it go. It’s my security…my safety net… my Plan B! But what I think God’s been showing me lately is that it’s time to let it go…..to release the reigns to Him….and to Trust Him to be my security, my safety net, my plan A-Z! He’s the only one capable of handling it all! And while it’s a gift from Him to have a heart to be there for people, it was never meant to be a burden! The bible says, “Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you”…and so tonight I do just that!
God help me to place my security and trust solely in you! Teach me to rely on you completely and to place my value in who you say I am! Teach me in my heart to accept your love so that I can love others unconditionally and without burden! Show me the true meaning of “being all things to all people”…that I might lead others to you! Amen.