Sunday, May 29, 2011

But for the grace of GOD....

  So the other day I heard about this survey a local agency did among homeless people in our region.  The whole thing was pretty interesting to me, considering I would probably give everything I have at the moment to move into the city and serve such people (if only I had some clear direction on how to do it).  But the thing that stood out to me the most was an observation that the common thread among the homeless was that they had nobody to turn to....nobody whose name they could write down in case of an emergency....nobody who would care.  Hearing that changed me's grabbed upon my heart and has not let go.  In my mind I just keep thinking that although there are drug addictions, and mental health issues that also attribute to their state, really the only thing separating me from someone on the street is the grace of God!
  Personally, I have a really hard time letting people in.  It's hard for me to let people get to know me to the point that I would rely on them or allow them to see me in my mess and trust that after seeing it they would still be there for me.   So instead, I mostly live on the surface with people.  I let them know enough about me to build a casual relationship, but still hang out on the side of the pool with my feet in the water in terms of any real intimacy.  I might test the waters, by riding a raft to the middle of the sea, but I always quickly return to the edge.  And although deep down I have always desired to have close-knit, intimate relationships with people, I know I will never fully let my walls down enough to let that happen.
  So I cannot help but believe that it truly is God's grace that I was born into the family I have.  We may fight and not really talk about the important stuff.  I may worry that I am a disappointment to them at times or struggle to accept how much they love me, but I know no matter what matter how lost I could become....I will always have a name I can write down for "in case of emergencies".  And in this moment....that means EVERYTHING!

1 comment:

  1. You know, I got stuck on them not having anyone to list but I didn't take it further and recognize that as God's grace which separates me. I don't understand much of the problem really, not when it gets down to the big picture. But I know that whatever I do for the least of us, I do for him. I suppose in the end, that's all I really need to know.