Tonight I had a moment at the gym. The kind of moment I haven’t had in years….but also the kind of moment I have been longing for. I had spent a good hour and a half pushing myself…Hard…Harder than I have in a long while, and was walking over to get a towel to wipe down the my equipment, when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Now normally I try to avoid the mirrors at the gym at all cost. I already feel pretty self-conscious there….surrounded by all the skinny people….that the last thing I want is to be reminded of my puffy, red-faced, huffing and puffing self! Yet tonight, something happened when I looked in that mirror…..it’s like my eyes connected with the eyes of my reflection and I was able to see deep down inside of myself….and what I saw….was a fighter!
Over the past several years I have felt pretty bad about myself. I’ve had moments where I’ve been able to convince myself that I can do it….but ultimately I’d relent to the fact that I’m pretty much a failure. I have tried so hard to become who I once was, that I’ve pretty much been frustrated over and over again with the reality that I just don’t believe in myself anymore.
But tonight….tonight when I looked in that mirror…. I saw the girl who lost 130lbs….the girl who can run for hours without stopping…the girl who faced her fears and jumped out of a plane! It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her…and tonight I found that girl inside of myself again! I don’t know why that switch flipped in me or why it happened tonight, or why it happened at such a strange moment! But tonight I saw the fighter in me awaken and the competitor in me rise up! I’m not doing this to prove anything to anyone….to get anyone to notice me…..or even to win some sort of prize. I’m taking my life back again…and tonight I realized once again I have the power to do just that!