I love to read…totally
a statement I never would have thought would have come out of my mouth about
ten years ago, but is totally accurate in the here and now. However there is usually so much I want to read that
most books either end up on my “To read” list or join the pile that sits on my
night stand for months while I spend an hour or so each night reading a few
pages from each until they are all complete.
Every now and then though, I come upon a book that grabs my attention
and doesn’t let go until I finish it….which usually only takes a few days! I came across such a book the other night,
when I decided at bed time to start reading Michelle Aguilar’s book “Becoming
Fearless” before going to sleep. Let’s
just say in the past two nights I haven’t gotten much sleep as I’ve stayed up
way past my bed time reading her story like it was a letter from a long lost
friend.
Now I don’t know
Michelle and I will probably never meet her, but like hundreds of other American’s
I watched part of her story unfold during the 6th season of the
Biggest Loser and I guess for that reason I already felt some sort of
connection with her before even picking up the book. Plus a few months ago I watched almost every
video on the “I am Second” web-page and after seeing her story felt even more
connected in knowing that she is my sister in Christ. But her book brought that whole feeling of
connection so much deeper for me.
If you’ve followed
my blog for any length of time then you know that not only do I talk a lot
about my faith, but I also originally started this blog to talk about my weight
loss journey. But I’ve never been quite
able to reconcile both into one blog post.
The two things have always felt like completely opposite ends of the
spectrum (looks and vanity on one side with God and self-less-ness on the
other). Reading Michelle’s book opened my
eyes to the very real connection between both.
You see, Michelle’s book helped me to see
that my faith in and commitment to God should and does infiltrate every aspect
of my life….not just the spiritual, mental and even emotional parts, but also
my physical being. Everyone knows that
when you are severely over weight those extra pounds represent more than your
love of food. In fact carrying excessive
weight is an obvious sign that there is something powerful and overwhelming
hard going on in someone’s life that they can’t quite get a grasp on…which is
why they turn to food in the first spot.
For me, my weight
has always been kind of like my shield….it keeps people at bay and allows me to
sort of reject them before they can reject me.
And as I have shared in other posts, for most of my life my faith walk
has been all about saying and doing all the right things….my fool proof plan
for making people and God accept me!
Yet when I strip that all away….all the opinions of man and trying to be
all things to all people and even trying to prove my worthiness to God…..I realize what I’ve really
tried to be is God! Instead of just resting
in Him…trusting Him….leaving my life in His hands…I’ve demanded the reins and
tried to captain my life in a way that protects myself. But God has so much more for me! I know….I sense it….I’ve felt Him drawing me
to it even over the past few months and years as He’s flipped my world upside
down.
I am accepted and
loved by God…GOD! The one who create the
whole world and holds time in his hands….the one who brought me to life and has
formed my inner-most being….the one who sees into the depths of my soul, with all my questions and doubts and wrongs…that God, he loves me! So why do I spend so much time trying to get
others to do the same?!?!?
I think that I’m
starting to come to terms with this….to realize that I don’t have to be in
control anymore…I don’t have to live a set way or be perfect to get people to
accept me….I can relax and let the weight of the world fall off my shoulders
and into the very hands of my God. And
although that may seem like it has no connection to weight loss, it has
everything to do with it for me! You
see, not having to control my own life anymore….not having to try and make
everything work out as I think is best, means I don’t have to spend my days
protecting myself anymore…I can let my shield down (or in this case lose the
weight) and not pick it up again because God’s my shield! So thank you Michelle Aguilar for sharing your story so openly and for allowing God to speak through you! Your story has surely allowed the door to open for God to continue His work in me! I am greatly appreciative!
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