Monday, March 11, 2013

What's Behind that Squeaky Wheel...

They say that the squeaky wheel gets the oil. I don't know who they are, but I think they are right! For most of my life I've tried not be the squeaky wheel....mostly for reasons that have to do with not wanting to be seen in a bad light or out of fear of rejection...but none the less, for the most part I have kept my mouth shut. And well...the thing about not saying anything is that you are never heard! You just suffer silently and become bitter and angry! A few nights ago I had a discussion with God about this...well more like I scribbled in my journal for a good bit and then prayed that God would make sense of it....and for the first time in a long time I felt like God responded (not outwardly but in my spirit). He seemed to take everything I said in with a deep breath and then responded with the question...."why don't you speak up"!.....(by the way why does does always seem to answer with a question)! Now, I would like to say at that point I was straight up honest with God...but the reality is, I tried to shrug off His question with some false humility, acting has if my main concern was drawing attention off of Him and to myself! But the thing about God is....He's God....and He knows us all inside and He saw through my lie and began drawing out the truth...that I care more about the opinion of man than of Him, that I'd rather have fake relationships than no relationships, that my heart is often selfish and self centered instead of others centered and God centered... The thing is I don' t think God asked me that question so that I would go out and stir up all sorts of drama. Instead I think God wanted to give me a good look at my own my attitudes and motivations...and to use that to understand how much I need Him to lead and direct my life while living inside of me! That does not mean I don't think God is also calling me to be more open and honest with my thoughts and opinions...cause I think He is...but it's only from that place of humbleness that I should speak and ultimately be heard...and the place of complete humbleness is on my knees.

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