Monday, September 24, 2012

Cause I'm Not Qualified...

  You know how  when you go on a job interview, they tend to ask you the question, "What is your best and worst quality"?  To be honest.....I usually lie. 
I have too though.....because you see... my best quality is that I am a perfectionist.  And while  in theory that sounds like something you would want to's also that part of me that knows everything I do should be better than it is, and thus it's usually what paralyzes me from doing anything at all!
And my worst quality?....well that's easy!  I am in NO way detail oriented.  I can see big pictures and  give you idea  after great idea....but I have no clue how to bring any of it about.  And I get lost in trying to figure out all the little pieces! 
I know both of these things...though seemingly opposite sides of different coins... are true about myself...  And thus, sometimes I look at my life and wonder... if I were God, would I have ever picked ME for the assignment He's created me for?!?!
Now don't get me wrong... I think first and foremost, above anything else in life, my calling....and really every human beings to love God and serve Him with everything....and there is no greater calling in life than that!  But... I think that looks different lived out in each individual life. 
For me....more and more I feel it's God drawing me away from the comfort of my family...even my country.  I sense Him filling me with all sorts of ideas and visions of how He could move in this world and it's exciting!  But then...I get scared....because I know myself...and I am not qualified for this job.
And I know God can use anybody....and He does (Heck He used a donkey in the bible)! And He doesn't just call the qualified... but He qualifies the called.  I know He makes ways where there are no ways.  He opens doors and windows when it feels like every way is shut. And He moves in ways we cannot see...
Yet...I just can't seem to trust that in my own let that head knowledge seep down the six inches to my heart.....and then apply it to myself.
God can use me.  He has.  He will.
I need to trust trust Him.
why is that so hard?!?!


I really want the job!

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