Sunday, July 7, 2013

This, These, HIM..and NOT I....

Lately I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed by looking at all I need to do to prepare to go to Ecuador.  I think about all the things I have to pay for, all the paperwork that needs to be filled out, how much of the language I still need to grasp, and all the details that need to be worked out, ....and I just want to cry...because I don't know how to do this...and I don't know how it's all going to work out....and I don't think I'll ever be ready....
 
And yet...
 
I can't NOT do it..
 
Because...
 
   THIS is why I was created...THIS is why my heart beats in my chest and why it breaks... THIS is why I ache in deep unexplainable ways...and THIS is what sends me to my knees!  I can't explain it....but there's an ache in my heart that says THIS is where I belong....THESE are my people....THESE are the ones God has laid on my heart...that THEY would know HIM...that THEY would experience HIS life and HIS love...and that THEY would know how DESPERATELY HE LONGS FOR THEM.
 
And some how...
 
in the midst of remembering THAT...
 
I am reminded...
 
that THIS ....
 
is NOT about ME!
 
  So I fall on my knees and I cry out to God...because THIS is for HIM and for HIS people....and thus HE has to make a way!  I can't do THIS....not in my own strength...not trying to make my own way....I NEED HIM...DESPERATELY!...and I think that's what He's been waiting for....that moment of SURRENDER...when I say God, it has to be YOU!...Here I am...I am yours...so have YOUR WAY!
 
And THAT is where I am...
On my knees...
SURRENDERED to GOD...
CLINGING to HIM...
 
...and even though it's uncomfortable...
It seems so right...
like THIS...right here...
Is exactly where I am suppose to be...
 

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