Hey Mojo....where'd you go?!?!

It all started this weekend when I fell off the wagon….there was drinking, and candy eating, and lots and lots of take out! Then yesterday was suppose to be the day I got back on track…day #1 all over again. I had grand plans to get up and run in the morning (since it’s light out then now) and then do my strength training when I got home from work (which I know is backwards but it’s dark when I get home and I’m really getting sick of the treadmill). I bought clean groceries and even set my calorie allowance for the week. Then my alarm went off yesterday morning and I was just too exhausted to even think about getting up (seriously… I could barely keep my eyes open enough to figure out how to reset my alarm). When I did get up (at the last possible second) I managed to make a really healthy breakfast and pack up my even healthier lunch (I’m trying out this volumetrics thing so my meals are lots of veggies…but I get A LOT of them). I worked my butt off at work (so much so that I missed my first break and had to eat my lunch and snack all at one sitting (volumetrics is great…but with other people in the room I looked like a pig!). Then I came home…and it’s like the bottomless pit in my stomach opened up and I could not stop eating. I had two chicken parm cutlets with 2 cups of wheat pasta….and then I made the deadly mistake of looking in the cabinet for more…and in a matter of an hour and a half I had eating like 8 iced oatmeal cookies (which is something like 160 calories for 2), at least 10 pieces of candy (which most candy is like 2-3 pieces for 160 calories), an entire bag of buttered popcorn (which my sister bought from the boy scouts for herself and totally convinced me to have…..and its 500 calories), and then I followed it all down with a vodka tonic (with God knows how many calories)! What makes that even worse is that by 9pm I was exhausted and had no energy so instead of working out to try and burn some calories I went to bed promising myself that no matter what I would get up this morning to run (and of course I didn’t get up cause even after 9 hours of sleep I was still absolutely exhausted that the thought of getting out of bed early made me want to throw up)!

So now I’m at a loss. I HATE the way I look and how I feel at the moment….I HATE it. Yet I feel like no matter what I do it’s never going to change. I gained 40 pounds in 6 months and since then I have struggled to lose the same five pound over and over and over again for about six weeks. I feel defeated….like I just don’t have the energy anymore to keep going around and around and around this mountain. Yet I’m not happy where I am at…so I need to figure out how to get my mojo back…cause I can’t stop… I can’t give up… I deserve more!

Jess