Sunday, November 29, 2009

Weights and Measures...

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you thought that you would do anything to get it, yet no matter how hard you tried you could never quite get it and only ended up feeling more and more discouraged. That’s kind of how I have felt over the past several months with my weight loss journey. I want to lose weight. I want to fit back into my size 10 jeans. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. And I know that I have to do the work….but every time I work my ass off and only seem to gain weight I feel so discouraged that it’s hard to continue to believe that I can actually do this again.

That’s basically how I've felt the past several days. My goal this week was to lose two pounds and I thought that was a reasonable enough goal with holiday celebrations and what not going on. All through the week I seemed to be doing great. I wasn’t able to get in the workouts I wanted to earlier in the week but my food was really good and so I knew I was setting myself up for a good week. Even on thanksgiving I felt like I had eaten sensibly and not only ran in the race but walked…so I should have been happy when I got on the scale this morning. The reality however is that Friday morning I was already 4lbs up on the scale and this morning I was 6lbs… and although I know there’s no way possible that I gained six actual pounds this week… it’s frustrating to see the number on the scale fall almost back to where it was when I re-began this journey over a month ago.

I feel frustrated. I feel like for every step forward I take, there is always another step back to follow. I know I can lose weight… I’ve done it before…but it was never this hard and I never felt this hopeless in my journey. I think for me the one thing I have to remember is to NOT let the scale get the best of me. As much as I need the scale in terms of knowing if I’m heading in the right direction…I am not defined by a number and I can’t allow a number on the scale to derail me time and time again. If I am doing everything I know how to do and still not seeing the results I want to see then maybe it’s time to try something new, not see it as time to give up.

So tomorrow morning is the start of a new week and time to try again. I still have a goal to be under 200lbs by new year’s…and I believe if I can keep myself motivated I can definitely accomplish my goal.

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