Growing up I was a very angry kid and I wasn’t sure then (nor am I totally sure now) why that is, but none the less it was the root cause of why I got in so many fights with people. There was the time I beat a classmate over the head with his umbrella until both his head and the umbrella broke. There was the time I hit a neighborhood kids over the head with a crochet mallet hoping I would knock him out. And there was even the time I left a friend bleeding and screaming in the street after pummeling her to the ground. Now I’m not proud of these moments in my life. I don’t share them to sound tough or look like some sort of badass. Instead I share because looking back I realize that those fights….all that physical contact was coming from pent up rage that I just didn’t know how to get out otherwise.
These days I know it’s not proper to beat people up…in fact a person can get in a lot of trouble for doing so (incase you didn’t know)…so instead (and this is the whole point of the stories above) I realize that I have learned to release my anger in binge eating. I know that sounds funny but it’s true. It’s no longer okay (as if it ever was) to bash someone’s face in, or to hit a wall, or to throw something out of anger. It’s not okay to harm others…so I found a new outlet… and strangely it involves harming myself. I eat and eat and eat…until the point that I’m sick…then I spend days dealing with eaters remorse…and all because I’m an emotional girl whose once again forgotten that solving one problem by creating another is NOT the answer to life.
So now what?! Now that I’ve discovered this about myself, now what do I do?!?! I think it’s time to find a new outlet…and honestly I think I want to try out boxing or kickboxing or some sort of martial arts. (It seems appropriate right?!?! Hee hee). Anyway, I’m going to do some research into making that happen but until then if any of you know of some good learning tools to help me out…let me know. Thanks.
Jess
ohh kickboxing sounds like fun! Then you could beat things up and not not feel bad or hurt anyone.
ReplyDeleteI used to be horrible about holding my anger in until I would blow up and usually throw things or hit stuff (never anyone though) I just had to learn not to let things bother me as much and had to find friends to confide in and talk to when I would get upset and it really has helped.