I’ve come to the conclusion that there is a running thread among women in general where we tend to give to EVERYONE else in our lives EXCEPT to OURSELVES. I see it in my friends…and in my co-workers… and Infact this has become the reality of MY life in the past year. The other day I was thinking about how stressed I am, how anxious I feel, How angry with life I am becoming and I realized that the happiest I’ve ever been was the year I lost 130lbs and put myself first….and how since then…somehow putting myself first has become almost like a “sin”. It seems everyone in my life needs something from me…and almost all of my relationships and interactions with people are about what people need me to do for them. And I always give it.
But...when did it become wrong to care about me…to take care of me… to put me first?!? Why do I feel so bad every time I do?!?! Well these are questions I’m trying to address with myself…and the first step was when about a week ago I was completely transparent with a co-worker and told her that I was really needing someone to talk to…and then today she walked in with a number for me…a number for a counseling center. I have been talking about going to counseling for months…I’ve actually found myself wanting to go in past weeks….but sitting here with a number in my pocket…it scares me. All I have to do is call the number and tell them what I need….and yet I find that one step so difficult. Why is that?!?! Ugh!