So this year Christmas has just not felt like Christmas. I kept hoping all week that at some point I would wake up from my daze and get into the Christmas spirit, but…nope never really happened. Honestly though, I’m kind of okay with that. Sometimes it’s nice to have Christmas be just a day…a day where you’re mindful of and celebrate the gift God gave to the world…but still a day. Today was in a lot of ways like that for me…and like most days I quite quickly filled up the hours with all sorts of things I wanted to do. What I realized though (but definitely not for the first time) is that I am such a “Martha”.
If you don’t know, there is a story in the bible about Martha and her sister Mary (Luke 10:38-42). Jesus comes to their house and while he sits and teaches everyone, Mary sits by his side while her sister Martha runs around doing all the work to feed the large group that has come to hear him. Now in the story Martha is irritated that Mary isn’t helping her and actually tells Jesus to tell her sister to do something (more or less)….but in my life, I actually enjoy doing the work and don’t care if people help.
I don’t know why, but I’ve always seen myself as this “servant”. It’s like I feel like I owe the world something cause I’m here (kind of the opposite of entitlement..)…and so I will run myself into the ground doing the things that nobody else wants to or the things others can't do or just the things that help others out. And I really enjoy it…in fact I feel most comfortable in life when I am doing something for another person...but I often wonder…am I missing something?! Although mentally I understand that no amount of good works will make me “good enough” for others or “acceptable” to God, I wonder if a part of my servant attitude comes from the fact that I haven’t quite figured out in my heart that it’s not what I DO that matters most. If life is about a heart attitude…about loving God with all your heart and letting that influence all the things you do and say… then what is my heart actually saying? It seems to me I might have quite a bit to learn from the Mary’s of the world who can sit still and rest, and hear Jesus say “(you have) chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from (you).”