Monday, August 1, 2011

Learning to take Baby Steps....

  I am not one for baby steps!  I like to know where I am going and then get there as quickly as possible.  I will push myself to the limit, stretch myself beyond my own ability and overwhelm every one of my senses in order to reach my goals.  And although at times my expectations for myself are completely irrational and I only end up frustrated and hurt.....I tend to learn the most about myself in those moments when I've pushed myself into a corner and have my back against the wall.
  What's interesting to me however, is how much that attitude cascades over to so many areas of my life.  Take for instance my faith.  I want to be a strong christian.  I want to to used by God.  I want to honor him with my life and make Him proud.  Yet so often in an effort to live the kind of life I think will glorify God, I jump ahead to "doing" all the things I think I am suppose to do, without laying the foundation of just "being" with God.  Then I get to a point where all my efforts fail and I'm hurt and disappointed, and wonder how I got back to square one, huddling in fear, afraid to face the very God who created me.
  Or take a more tangible example.  At the beginning of this year I had grand plans to run 11 races in 2011 and I knew in order to accomplish that I needed to get a lot of miles under my belt.  So even when my body got tired and my leg began to have some pain, I kept pushing myself to do what I was suppose to do without taking a moment to heed my body's warnings about where I really was at.  Then I hurt my leg and ended up having to take three months off from running. 
  Tonight was my first night back out there, and honestly it was hard, but not for the reasons you would think.  Yeah, taking three months off of running (or in my case any form of working out) while sitting around just gaining weight, meant that I have become highly unconditioned.  But what was really hard for me was having to go back to baby steps!  I want to be  out there running for hours, clearing my head, and letting the breeze take me away.  Yet, instead I'm stuck on a schedule, a schedule I chose to follow cause I knew myself and that I would immediately want to jump right back in and forget about laying that foundation.
  It's time for me to understand that I don't always have to learn from my failures.  I don't always have to have such high standards for myself and expect the impossible.  Instead, if I go slow, take my time, and build a firm foundation, maybe I'll be able to reach beyond what I even plan.  Here's hoping that's true.....

1 comment:

  1. I am back at square one as well. Praying for you for grace to continue and listen to that small voice and wait patiently for the Lord. -NBM