So the other day I had an epiphany of sorts. I was out on a walk thinking about where I've come in my weight loss journey, where I am at, and where I am going, when I realized that this is something I'm going to have to do for the rest of my life....working out and eating right and walking out this journey...it has no end. Now I know that kinda seems like a "Duh!" comment, but honestly I don't think I ever considered it last time around. The first time I lost 100lbs all I could think about was the day when scale would hit 160, when I would fit into my size 10 jeans, and when I would jump out of a plane (which was my reward last time for losing the weight....kind of like a celebration of sorts...and totally awesome...see pic)! I was running after an end point....and when I reached it, I didn't know where to go from there (which eventually led to gaining a lot of it back).
This time around my journey is completely different. Even the reasons I have for wanting to get in shape are different. Before, my weight loss journey was about vanity and proving people wrong....it was about trying to become happy with the person I was and to stop hiding in the shadows. This time around, my whole journey is based in wanting to honor God. So often this past year I've felt like God was calling me or leading me to do something but I didn't, because of my weight. At times it was because I was afraid I wouldn't physically be able to handle it and other times I was afraid of how I would look to others because of my wieght. I've moved beyond the place in life where I didn't know I was heavy. I remember the day, looking at pictures and realizing how heavy I was and being absolutely astonished that I had no idea I was that big! I will never forget that and now that I am closer to that weight again than I would like to be, it's impossible for me not to know how unhealthy I am and look. How does this honor God?!
The bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body". Now granted this verse is talking about not involving yourself in sexual sin, but honestly I think it can translate very easily into this weight loss journey. I do not belong to myself, my life was purchased by the very precious blood of Jesus, and how I live my life....how I take care of this body and what I put into it...is in a sense another form of worship to God. I want to honor God with my whole life, and if I don't take care of the very life...the body...He has given me, how is that honoring to Him?!?
So now I am learning to see this journey not as something to rush though, something to push and shove myself around in, in order to reach some destination where all of a sudden life will be perfect (as if there is such a time and place!) but rather as an opportunity....a chance to experience life more fully, to do without holding back...to live, and love, and honor God with every once of my being, every step of every day.....even if that means going for a longer run or forgoing some mint chocolate chip ice cream for a night ;)