The thing is, I’m realizing
more and more that moments like that, where I binge…and do it in secret…. have
a lot more to do with the issues of my heart than the hunger in my
stomach. You see, I could sit here and
say, well obviously the reason I’m craving so much junk food is because I haven’t
been drinking enough water (which is very true considering both yesterday and
today I’ve barely gotten in half of my goal of 80oz of water a day), but I know
even if I had gotten in 100oz of water yesterday I would still want the chips
and cookies and soda! Those things have become such “comfort” to me over the
years. I run to them when I am feeling
anxious or stressed or misunderstood or just plain out of my comfort zone! I know it may sound funny but food has always
been there for me. And yeah after a
binge I will usually feel eaters remorse and regret the choice (which I should perceive
is going to happen by the fact that I feel the need to eat it in hiding), but in
the moment…when I don’t know what to do, or where to turn, or how to express
what I am feeling, food is there…and so I run to it! The thing is, now that I know this about
myself I feel I have the responsibility to look past the craving and discover
what’s really going on in my heart….what “issue” is driving me to food?
To be honest, I
think the root issue the past few days has been fear of what people are
thinking about me. I like to be perceived
in a good light, I like knowing people think well of me and respect me, and I
thrive with their support. But
lately I find myself becoming too overly concerned with what people think. I’ve taken my eyes off of God and honoring
Him, and started making decisions based on what will make people like me
more. I’ve moved God out of the center
of my life and made myself the center of the universe…..and for that I
repent. When I give God his rightful
place in my life, and I live my life for Him, then that fear of what people
think of me begins to fade. When I know I am walking in the light and my heart is
right with God, then it doesn’t really matter to me so much if Joe Schmo thinks
I’m doing a good job or if Jane Doe thinks my motives are pure enough. When I seek my approval in God, I am accepted…..and
that gives me all the comfort I need, without the food! So take a lesson from me... if you’re on this
journey and find yourself reaching for that bag of chips, take a moment and
really evaluate what’s going on in your heart and you might just find you don't need it, even before you take that first bite!
Awesome post Jess!!!
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