Saturday, January 2, 2010

Off to a rough start...

Hey there!

SO it’s day two into the new year and guess what?!? I’m sick! How annoying is that! I had all these plans for what I wanted to do in the new year and what goals I was looking forward to reaching …and two days into the new year I’m stuck in bed wishing for death (okay so maybe not really for death…but the way I was feeling this morning I could have at least gone for my mommy)!

Anyway I guess the good thing about having time to rest is that I get to think about all the things I am normally too busy to think about. For instance today I thought a lot about what I want in the New Year…or maybe more so the things I don’t want. Last year was a hard year for me….my life changed completely and once again I found myself in that place where I came last. I am done with that! I love my family and I love being there for people but this year I’m going back to focusing on me! Don’t get me wrong I’m still gonna give, just not at the sacrifice of myself anymore…cause I matter too (you know)!

So some things I decided that I am done with in 2010 are… feeling bad when other people don’t understand why I focus so much on my weight loss….Letting other people treat me bad and just taking it cause I’m afraid of losing another friendship (albeit a crappy one) in my life….stressing over things that I cannot change (even if originally I made the bad decision or mistake to bring it on)….trying to figure out how other people are feeling and where they are coming from when they are unwilling just to tell me (I’m not a telepathic people…I can’t read minds so please just be real)….And complaining about situations that I am not willing to change (I need to remember that nothing is going to change unless I make it, so unless I’m willing to put in the work or take the chance I need to stop complaining so much).

So I don’t know, maybe that’s a bit of a pessimistic outlook heading into a new year, but in some sense I think it’s good…I mean half the battle of knowing what you really want in life is knowing what you don’t…so in some sense I guess I’m half way there!


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