"Am I Not Big Enough".....

  Have you ever had an argument with God?  I know it sounds funny, but it seems that a large portion of my relationship with Him has been based on these mini arguments we have where I know he’s God and yet I try to convince Him I know better than Him!  It’s kind of silly when you think about it.  I mean He’s God….He created me….Do I really think that I can outwit him?  Sometimes I wonder if He’s just sitting up in heaven giggling to Himself has I march into His office with my well thought out pro/con list that is sure to convince Him that He’s wrong and I am right!  Boy do I have a lot to learn….

  Usually when I am having such an argument with God, all my reasoning’s are self-centered.  God will speak something to me and immediately my mind starts racing….is this God?  How do I know it’s God?  Well if it is God how will I get people to see that?  How will I make this work out?  How can I be sure I’m not about to make a huge idiot of myself?  I…I…I…Me…Me…Me…

  Well the other night I was sitting in my room, listening to some worship music and praying to God …aka thanking Him for making a way where there seems to be no way, all the while admitting my fears of the millions of other obstacles that seem to be standing in the way of where I feel He’s leading me….when God delivered the knockout punch to my argument.  Here I was offering my self-centered complaints about all I can’t do…as if I am in control….and God simply whispered…. “Am I not big enough”?

  Right then…Right there I repented, and cried, and tapped into all levels of girliness before my God, as I realized that true surrender means trusting Him to make the way!  Over and over and over again God has been speaking to me about the freedom, and the peace, and the joy, and the life that comes from giving all control over to Him and allowing Him full reign in my life, and here I am acting as if I have to hold everything together cause I am the one who can truly bring anything to pass!

  I am not God….and cannot do anything without Him….therefore if God calls me to something then it must be by His power that I walk out in it.  It’s kind of strange to think about, but it’s moments like these where I get what Paul meant when he talked about freedom in Christ…..that it’s in surrendering to HIM that we find it!  Like I said, I have a lot to learn, but I’m finding the more I trust in Him, the more lessons He brings me through and for that I am truly thankful (all Glory to God)!