Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you completely over react to one situation because your caught up in a completely different situation? For example, have you ever been rude to someone who is actually being nice to you because some body else pissed you off? Or have you ever started crying over a silly little comment said in passing because your already feeling sensitive about another comment that was made by somebody else?! Yes?....Well then you'll understand how I was feeling this evening.
Tonight we ordered Chinese food for dinner. I was excited because I had been craving sweet and sour pork for a while and couldn't wait to dip my pork in that yummy red sauce. Well when dinner arrived I pulled everything out of our take out bag and guess what was missing?!? Yep! You guessed it. My sweet and sour sauce! At first I thought, "Well maybe I made a mistake and ordered something different than I thought". So I asked my dad about it.....nope, not my mistake. The only mistake that was made was his, when he didn't check the bag and make sure everything was in it before leaving the restaurant. I wanted to cry! In fact, tears welled up so strongly behind my eyes that it took everything in my power not to bust out weeping over something as silly as sweet and sour, red sauce. My father felt horrible! I felt ridiculous!
The reality is....I'm not that sensitive about my Chinese food. In fact on any other night I just would have just used the barbecue sauce my father offered me as an apology (which is normally my favorite condiment for everything!) and been done with it. But....I was already upset. I had a disagreement with my sister about a half hour before dinner and I was still pretty annoyed. I kept replaying my conversation with her over in my head....saying all the things I would have said if I thought quicker on my feet (Isn't it awesome how you never lose an argument when you play it back in your mind after the fact)! The sauce was just....the straw that broke the camels back!
Part of my problem is that I've never been very good at expressing my emotions. I usually keep everything so bottled up that eventually I become a soda can that's been left in the freezer for two long......eventually it explodes (in case you didn't know)! Clearly I know how unhealthy this kind of behavior is....well....at least I know it in my head...which doesn't really help because then it only makes me feel worse about myself. I need to get better at telling people how I feel....at being honest with them from the get go.... and not letting things fester. I need to learn to just be myself and not be afraid of what people will think. And I need to learn how to handle my own heart with the same amount of care that I use to handle others.
Who knew sweet and sour sauce could help a person see so much about themselves!