Saturday, December 29, 2012

How I'm Aiming to Live in 2013...

2012 is coming to an end...
and has is normal for this time of year
I've been thinking a lot about new year's resolutions

Normally I make concrete goals.
For instance in the past few years
my "resolutions" have looked like this...
I will to lose 100lbs
I will to read 50 books
I will to write 52 letters

This year...
I've been contemplating something else
Less concrete.

You see..
over the past several months 
I've been living on this roller coaster of emotions
One minute I'm high...loving the world
The next minute I'm low...trying not to hate everyone.

I want to care for people
I want to invest
I want to be open and available
I tend to act more
closed off.

And it bothers me.

In fact...
out of desperation
I've been finding myself
standing before God each morning
pleading along with St. Francis of Assisi
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy."

" Help me Lord, not so much to seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love."

What a powerful prayer!
And completely the cry of my heart!

And yet...
I struggle 
so much
to live it out
on a continual basis 

I'm thinking....
This year
my resolution
by the grace of God
this kind of person.

To give
and forgive.
To care
and love. 
To walk in peace
and work for justice.
To spread  joy
and bring light.
To actually BE
a follower of Christ
Every moment
of every day!   

How's that for a resolution?!?! 

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