I think a very big part of me longs for community. A group of people who like me and get me and can speak to my heart in a way that challenges, corrects and convicts me without making me feel unaccepted, judged and condemned. And I long to be and do that for other people as well. It all seems so very right. And Yet... sometimes I wonder if my personality will ever allow to me to experience that.
It seems lately that my fear of being rejected by people outweighs my desire to know and be known by them. I'm afraid to be real in sharing myself with people...my thoughts, my opinions, my struggles, my fears... because I don't want to be rejected by them (even admitting in this post that I fear being rejected makes me nervous because I know people who will judge me for not finding my acceptance in God when I claim to be a christian, and thus reject me). It's like I think that if I don't live up to some certain standard I'll never make it into the "cool club" and so I have to choose between being who I think I'm suppose to be and thus being accepted, or being who I really am and thus risking rejection. It's almost easier to just keep people a bay....and yet that's the last thing I want.
I know the reality is that I should just be who I am and if people like me great and if not then oh well, but it's much harder to walk that out than it is to speak it. And I know I should just trust God that He made me who I am and I am perfect in His sight, but clearly the world knows I'm not perfect. So how am I suppose to go about building a community when I fear the very risk it takes to build one?
I don't know, maybe I am just tried and over thinking this all. But am I the only one who ever struggles with this though?