Monday, January 28, 2013

What honesty with God really means?...

One of the things I love about my relationship with God 
is how honest I can be with Him.  
Several years ago now, 
when God truly got my attention, 
I came to the realization that 
God Knew me....I mean really knew me.  
He knows the ins and outs of me 
better than I know myself
and anything I think I am keeping from Him 
is just silliness because He knows it all...
and crazily enough..
he loves me anyway!

Since then, there's pretty much nothing I keep from God.
I may try to keep up a facade for the world,
I may think I have to impress people and put on a show
or cover up my real feeling and just act like I think I "should",
But with God it's different
He's seen me at my worst and 
loves me still,
so there's pretty much nothing
I feel I can say to scare Him away
or make Him ashamed of Me.

....or is there?!!

Like 18 million other Christians out there
I decided that as of the first of the year
I would start reading through the entire bible.
I've read the entire thing before,
but it's been a while
and I knew I needed to revisit all of it
and try to see it in the "big picture" sense.

The thing is...
as much as I proclaim to 
not be detail oriented
When it comes to the bible
I am
and thus
I keep getting caught up
in tiny little details.

In fact the other day I was reading in Exodus
where God calls Moses to go to Pharaoh
and say the oh so famous
"Let my people go".
At first Moses rejects it.
He thinks "Who am I?" 
and "Why would people listen to me?"
He even asks God to send someone else.
And do you know what happens?

In my bible it says God gets angry with Him!
Sure He answers him and gives Him Aaron,
a second mouth piece to go with him,
but none-the-less God is angry 
at Abraham's insistence that
He's not the right man for the Job!

This worries me....
...because... times...
I've been Abraham.
I've said no to God
and questioned if He's 
made a mistake in calling me.
I've asked for signs
and after getting them
told God he's still crazy
for choosing me.

I was just being honest....

Does my honesty
really just tell God
how much I don't trust Him.
Am I just hurting God
and making Him angry
by trying to be Honest?

I guess whether I voice these things or not
God still knows they are in me
and I would prefer to think that 
God would want me to bring them to Him
No matter what...

Honesty is always the best policy
and I've enjoyed having it be
the forefront  of my relationship
with God for years,
So I'm sure the answer is not 
to change that....
But maybe I need to look
at what my Honesty is really saying 
about my heart!

Maybe God's been trying to speak to me
and in all my "being honest" moments
and I've been talking too much to hear Him.
Maybe I just need to learn to sit still,
let God be God,
and allow Him to search my heart
without my impute.


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