What honesty with God really means?...

One of the things I love about my relationship with God 

is how honest I can be with Him.  

Several years ago now, 

when God truly got my attention, 

I came to the realization that 

God Knew me....I mean really knew me.  

He knows the ins and outs of me 

better than I know myself

and anything I think I am keeping from Him 

is just silliness because He knows it all...

and crazily enough..

he loves me anyway!

Since then, there's pretty much nothing I keep from God.

I may try to keep up a facade for the world,

I may think I have to impress people and put on a show

or cover up my real feeling and just act like I think I "should",

But with God it's different

He's seen me at my worst and 

loves me still,

so there's pretty much nothing

I feel I can say to scare Him away

or make Him ashamed of Me.

....or is there?!!

Like 18 million other Christians out there

I decided that as of the first of the year

I would start reading through the entire bible.

I've read the entire thing before,

but it's been a while

and I knew I needed to revisit all of it

and try to see it in the "big picture" sense.

The thing is...

as much as I proclaim to 

not be detail oriented

When it comes to the bible

I am

and thus

I keep getting caught up

in tiny little details.

In fact the other day I was reading in Exodus

where God calls Moses to go to Pharaoh

and say the oh so famous

"Let my people go".

At first Moses rejects it.

He thinks "Who am I?" 

and "Why would people listen to me?"

He even asks God to send someone else.

And do you know what happens?

In my bible it says God gets angry with Him!

Sure He answers him and gives Him Aaron,

a second mouth piece to go with him,

but none-the-less God is angry 

at Abraham's insistence that

He's not the right man for the Job!

This worries me....

...because...

...at times...

I've been Abraham.

I've said no to God

and questioned if He's 

made a mistake in calling me.

I've asked for signs

and after getting them

told God he's still crazy

for choosing me.

I was just being honest....

But...

Does my honesty

really just tell God

how much I don't trust Him.

Am I just hurting God

and making Him angry

by trying to be Honest?

I guess whether I voice these things or not

God still knows they are in me

and I would prefer to think that 

God would want me to bring them to Him

No matter what...

Honesty is always the best policy

and I've enjoyed having it be

the forefront  of my relationship

with God for years,

So I'm sure the answer is not 

to change that....

But maybe I need to look

at what my Honesty is really saying 

about my heart!

Maybe God's been trying to speak to me

and in all my "being honest" moments

and I've been talking too much to hear Him.

Maybe I just need to learn to sit still,

let God be God,

and allow Him to search my heart

without my impute.

Maybe...