What you Get When you Mix Hope and Fear...

^"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

Romans 5:3-5 

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I'm not very big on getting my hopes up for things.

In fact, there are very few things worse to me than having my hopes dashed,

so I often times I  have found it better, or at least easier, not to hope at all.

Yet it seems, in recent years though, God has been restoring hope to me.

And even in the fear and the insecurity of hoping I am starting to find peace in him.

Or so it seems...

But then there are weeks like this one, where I feel like all I can do

is just cling to God and rely on Him to bind His hope to my heart.

For it seems as I find myself longing more and more to step out and move in Him

I also feel the fear that I will be disappointed welling up inside of me..

and thus internally I prepare myself for disappointment by pushing my hopes away.

I'm not saying that life has to go according to my plan

I'm not even saying that things need to work out as I expect

I'm just need to believe ...hope against hope in  a way...

that this life...this adventure he's leading me on

the one that seems to be costing me so much

while also returning to me ten fold that of which I didn't know I needed,

will be the life that brings me face to face with Him.

Cause the reality is, I know...no matter the heartache no matter the sacrifice

no matter the choices I have to make, if in the end it all just leads to him,

Then it will all be worth it!

And that is the Hope in which I need...and thus I cling to Him!