Thursday, January 10, 2013

What I don't Understand About My Faith...

I believe in God.
Obviously,
I talk about Him enough!
But Seriously..
I mean it... 
I really
believe in Him.

For me,
God is not some 
big guy in the sky,
who created 
the whole world
and me
but has no connection
to that world
or me.

No...
God is so much
more to me.

He's my 
father 
friend
savior
redeemer
counselor
guide
wisdom
insight
lover
leader
ETC..

In short...
He is (or at least is becoming)
my everything (as it should be)!
And I feel so close to Him
sometimes
that it's almost like
I could reach out and touch Him!

So why is it...
that every once in a while...
completely out of the blue...
I get blind sided by 
this little voice inside of me
that wonders...
What if  all of THIS 
(aka faith)
is a lie
and I've bet 
my whole life on it?!?!

I mean,
the reality is
I can't see God
I don't always feel Him
And I've never heard His audible voice...

BUT...
(and that's a BIG BUT...
in fact it's a 
life altering BUT!!!)...
in my heart of hearts
I know He's real...
I do!

There have been moments
through out my life
where God has shown up...
moments where 
He's so strongly just
made Himself known to me...
moments where 
everything else seems to fade away
and the only thing that remains
is God.

And in those moments
every doubt
every wonder
every insecurity
fades away
because 
God is Truth
and I know Him...
I am HIS
and HE is mine.

So why can't I 
live there
in that place 
of total confidence
all the time?
And how does that 
small voice
of doubt 
creep in?
And how do I 
keep it out?!?

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