Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Motivation to stop beating myself up!

I’ve been thinking a lot today about motivation…and the certain circumstances that have happened to me in the past few months that should serve as enough motivation to keep me on track…and yet haven’t. Situations like a customer at work asking me “When’s your baby due?” or my boss telling my co-worker I’m looking “porky”. You would think that moments like this would make me not only want to lose weight but also would keep me on the straight and narrow path in order to do so. Instead I find situations like this only serve as another thing to beat myself up with when I don’t do the things I know I should be. Like when I am so hungry and feel like I’m starving to death and yet I’ve eaten 1500 calories which is well over the 1350 I use to be satisfied with. Or When I know the best way to lose weight is through diet AND exercise and yet I’m dragging through workouts or skipping them. It’s situations like this that make me depressed and think…what the HELL is wrong with me! I have all the information I need. I know exactly what I need to do to lose weight…and YET I don’t CONSISTENTLY do it!


Honestly…the only thing I can seem to come up with is that…..yeah when I lose the weight I will feel better about my looks….BUT… I will still be ME. I’ll still be the girl who is awkward around new people and members of the opposite sex. I’ll still be the girl who gets walked over because I will do almost anything to make the people around me happy. I’ll still be the girl who just wants to be accepted and is scared to be rejected. This weight…it holds me back from being confident, stepping out in new things, and believing in myself. BUT I need to realize that losing weight isn’t going to be my life savior. I mean yeah it will help me live longer….but it isn’t a magic pill to change all the stuff I dislike about myself. I need to work on the inside too so that when I lose the weight again I won’t gain it back by emotionally eating and what not. Now the question remains….how do I go about this? Therapy? Journaling? With friends? All of the above?.............I’ll keep you posted..hee hee.


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