Friday, October 16, 2009

sometimes I need to scream....

I am a very family oriented person. In fact I have given up a lot for my family. When my BIL passed away I gave away my freedom and moved in with my sister to help her raise her kids. When I got a promotion at work I gave up school so that I could still help around the house. When my niece won’t sleep at night I give up my sleep to take care of her at night. And yet I live among a family who lives in a constant state of “nobody does anything for me” and thus nothing I do is ever good enough.

All day my sister has been super condescending to me. I’m about to start cleaning and she says “Oh well I Need you to go down stairs to bring up the windows that dad’s going to put in…and we have to clean them…but I have to work (which mind you she gives the girls baths while she’s “at work” and goes out to dinner while she’s “at work”) so you have to clean them!” (no asking…just telling). I clean the kitchen and she says “WOW she’s actually cleaning”. I finish both bathrooms she say’s “It’s about time…now you just have to do this every time you have a day off”. I order a calzone for dinner and she says “Are you sure? I don’t know…it’s a lot of carbs”!

But my number one favorite comment of the days from her (and I am totally being sarcastic here) is when we actually have this full out argument (with me crying because no matter what I say I am always wrong and she’s right)…an argument during which she tells me I have no common sense and I don’t do enough for her (which apparently is cause I didn’t clean the bathroom last week after she asked and because I don’t do anything after I come home from work…which just pisses me off cause she doesn’t do anything in the morning before I go to work) and then my nephew comes up to stop it (cause we happen to leave the baby monitor on and my parents, nieces and him were down stairs listening) she says “Well jess is just a really emotional person and takes everything personally, so I hate talking to her about anything”. And then she walks into the other room with him and starts complaining about me (which my nephew being the awesome person that he is just told her to stop because he didn’t want to hear it).

It just frustrates me because I never have good comebacks in the moment but then later after I think about it I do. For example…my sister telling me I have no common sense so of course she has to treat me like a two year old and tell me what to do. I want to be like…uh hello…common sense would tell you that when your baby is crying in the middle of the night and you can hear me in the monitor begging her to stop so I can sleep, that a good mom would come up and get her kid…not wait until I have to come ask you to take care of your child. Then to complain about how I do nothing when I get home…Hello, she gets up in the morning, takes a shower and works while I get up, get the girls up, make everyone breakfast, and get the baby ready all before I get ready for work…and she does nothing. Just because I go to work for eight hours while she’s home doesn’t mean that when I get home I should have to take over again (especially since she made the decision to stay home when originally it was suppose to be me who stayed home with the kids while she worked and she was the one who decided to change that).

I am just so upset with her right now. I don’t even want to talk to her. I even told her that I was going to start paying her $100 a week so that I am paying her rent and she can stop complaining that I don’t do enough for her considering she “Lets” me stay here (which is another thing that pisses me off because I could just as easily live with my parents, not pay rent, and have my own life back…and easier life…but I stick it out to help her out). What makes it worse is of course I am wrong in her eyes and she tells EVERYONE how she feels so of course people only hear her side and thinking I’m this big bad person for not helping her out more (I’m sorry you lost your husband…but hello I’m the ONLY one constantly here….you think that would count for something). Anyway… sorry I needed to vent….off to bed.


1 comment:

  1. Jess I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. I live a million miles away and know you do all you can and more to help her and your family and always put them first before thinking of you. Its a hard thing to do and you are making the best of it, and your sister should be very happy and thankful that you are there to help her raise the girls and I hope that one day soon she realizes just how lucky she is to have you for a sister.