Friday afternoon Fun...

Hey All! What up?!?!

So can I just tell you I had the funnest run today (yeay!). My friend/boss and I are running a 5k together on Sunday and so we thought it would be a good idea to get together for a practice run today since we haven’t run together since possibly thanksgiving (the last race we did)! Anyway, I had heard about these great trails in my area and decided that today would be the perfect day to try it out…and it was! First of all the trails are dirt not concrete so my knees were absolutely in heaven. Then the rain held off all day so we didn’t have to worry about getting soaked and sick before our big day (the forcaste called for rain all day). Then on top of that we talked the entire run (well actually I talked most of it cause as you can tell I’m sort of a blabber mouth) and so I didn’t listen to music the entire time (and usually I have to have music or I am dying)! Plus I had a great running partner who let me force her to run longer than the four miles we had planned (cause let me tell you I was feeling great…well and cause I missed a mileage marker…oops) and just kept going even when it got tough for her (how’s that for inspiration! Ever watch someone push through when you can tell it’s not easy for them?!?! It makes you so proud…and motivates you to want to do your best that much more)! Anyway…so here’s a pic from the trail (sorry I got a bit of the port-a-potty in it but what are you gonna do)!

Anyway Sunday is the big race…well I’m not really sure it can be considered BIG since we ran longer today than we will then, but still it’s exciting to just get out there with other runners again. I will be sure to post some pictures and lots of stories from the event, and then Monday I officially start the 12 week program from Hal Higdon to prepare for the half…so I’m sure I’ll have plenty to share in the coming weeks. So get excited people…cause I know I am!

Jess

I heart Runner's World...and this article...so check it out!

Hey!

So sorry about the lack of posting this week… but I’ve been trying to make sure I dedicate extra time to working out this week, especially with a race on Sunday (okay so it’s a 5k but still…hee hee). Anyway I wanted to share a cool story with all of you because if anything it’s offered me the kind of inspiration I’ve been looking for since the Olympics ended and well there’s just nothing like paying it forward. The only problem is... it’s not really my story to tell and considering I’m sure there are some sort of plagiarism laws out there about copy things from other sources the best I can do is give a summary and then send you out the door to pick up the latest issue of Runners World Magazine and read it for yourself (here’s a picture of the cover so you know for sure your grabbing the right one!).

So in every issue of this magazine they share a “human race” story about “regular runners doing amazing things” and this month’s runner truly is amazing! Brain Boyle’s a guy who overcame insurmountable odds to not only walk again (he was in a crazy car accident where he was hit by a dump truck) but he went on to train for and eventually complete a marathon in less than four hours!!! But what I think makes this story even greater is that he accomplished this great feat not on his first try, or second, or even third. I think they said it took him six tries to finally reach the goal of a sub-four hour marathon! Talk about dedication, commitment and perseverance!

See stories like that inspire me because throughout my life I’ve come face to face with obstacles that have detoured me from my dreams and I’ve had moments when failure has kept me back from trying again. But people like this man prove that anything is possible if you are willing to put in the work and never give up! The Impossible is never REALLY impossible unless you decide it to be! So thanks Brian and Runner’s World Magazine for sharing this story and reminding me of that fact!

Jess

Overwhelmed by choice....and lack of information!

So this afternoon it was completely gorgeous here in the great state of CT…or well, at least in my part….and of course I was working, so as soon as my lunch break hit I ran outside to catch some time in the sun. Lucky for me the bookstore I work at is in the same shopping area as a grocery store and so I figured instead of just enjoying the weather I would also pick up a few things I needed from there. This however meant that I was going to miss any real chance I had to eat my lunch and so I thought I would pick up some sort of protein/energy bar thing to help sustain me throughout the next two hours until my next break when I could eat my meal. Now don’t get me wrong I’ve tried many different bars before when I was trying to figure out what would work best while running, but honestly I always just picked up what was on sale. Today I actually took the time to read the ingredients and the nutrition information on these bars…and my golly was I over whelmed! I could have spent an entire day in that aisle and still not have found exactly what I was looking for (not that I really knew EXACTLY what I was looking for to begin with… but still)! There are so many brands and then flavors to choose from…then the ones that seem to have a lot of protein are also really high in calories…and the ones that are decent when it comes to the amount of carbs also have insane amounts of sugar! How’s a girl suppose to know what to go for?!?!


SO I decided instead of just living in the dark that tonight I would come home and do some research and what I found (besides a million different people having a million different opinions on the matter) was what I’ve always known, and that is that “energy” comes from food… and well it’s always best to stick with the real stuff not the prepackaged processed things that can live on a shelf for years without going bad (I mean think about it…if it doesn’t decompose on a shelf what’s gonna happen to it in your body?!?!). So now it’s back to the drawing board. I’ve really got to find the perfect blend of super foods to help sustain my energy throughout the day cause man, lately I’m been so drained (hum…maybe there’s something to this eating more meat thing..hee hee).

Jess

PS… So when I got home from work tonight the last thing in the world I wanted to do was run…but I happened to get this text at the most perfect time and it completely motivated me to get my butt out the door. In fact, I was so motivated that I not only ran the three miles I was planning but I kept going for an additional mile and ended up completing 4.16 miles in 49:51 (which is about 12minute miles…and this early into training, I can be proud of that)!  So for those of you who like to send out those encouraging words of wisdom to your friends...never understimate the power those little notes might have!

Need a good laugh?!?! Here's a great book!

Alright friends, so considering I am a bookseller by trade, you had to have known that I some point I would use my precious blog time to recommend a book. Well that point in time has come…. tonight! So for all my running friends out there…you know those of you who totally just get the whole love/hate addiction to throwing on your sneakers and hitting the road…..And, well for those of you who just dabble in running and might enjoy a good laugh, check out this book (pictured to the left), “The Runner’s Rule book” by Mark Remy (and the editors of runner’s world)!!! And just to give you a sneak peek at some of the more funny rules in this book, here are some of my favorites:


Rule #1.9--- Pass Gas Not Judgment

Rule #1.66—Dogs are harmless, expect when they’re not

Rule #2.20---“Looking Good” and 10 other lies runners tell each other

Rule #2.32--- Do whatever it takes to finish before a costumed runner

Alright so that list doesn’t even begin to do justice to the book (or even to those rules listed for that matter), so to see what I mean… check it out! (PS…you don’t have to buy it just go to your local bookstore, grab it off the shelf and spend a good hour sitting there sipping coffee and chuckling at the pure humor of it…seriously booksellers are use to it).

Jess

"Make it Happen" Month

Hey there!


So it’s March 1st…whoo hoo (and just in case you’re wondering, I was born in March, so I tend to believe it’s the best month of the entire year…hee hee)!!! And with a new month comes a new opportunity to create some new goals and reach some new heights! So this month I’ve decided to pull out all the stops and take a cue from Bob Harper by stopping to just talk and instead to just do it (Hee hee…do any of your remember that episode of Biggest Loser when Bob totally freaked out!!!). That is why I have declared March “Make it Happen Month”. This is the month where instead of just wishing I could run faster or hoping that I can lose some weight, I instead put in the work to actually achieve those goals. And well being the goal oriented person that I am I’ve come up with a monthly goal (which is to be able to cut my 5k time down to under 30 minutes), a two week goal (which for the next two weeks is to train for the “Max O’Hartford 5k so that I can get as close to that 30 minute mark as possible during the race), and some weekly goals (like to work out at least 5 days a week and to make sure I am doing some form of running 4 of those 5 days). Now obviously these aren’t some outlandish concepts….they are simple things…doable things. And yet they are also things which will bring me closer to my ultimate goal (which as I said last night is to beat my previous half marathon time).

So now I’m wondering…what are your goals for this month? It’s March first…you still got 30 days to MAKE IT HAPPEN (So “stop talking about it and just do it”!!!)!

Jess

Friend or Foe.... here we go...

Hey There…

So tonight I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine (or at some points its better known as my enemy…hee hee). This is my scale (pictured to the right). For most of my weight loss journey I have lived and died on this scale. Weighing once a week I would only be happy if that number went down and I did everything in my power to make sure that happened (which, well, we all know of the success I have had in that).

But these days I hold myself to a much different standard. Yes it’s still important to me to keep my weight in check and my body healthy, but now I have a different goal in mind….a goal that keeps me from falling off the wagon when the number on the scale doesn’t quite meet my liking! So I guess it would only be appropriate now to introduce you to another friend of mine…. Pictured to your left is the bib I wore during the first half marathon I ever ran. On it I’ve written my official time for that race which was 2:36:12. In just three months I will be attempting this race again… and in this second go round I have but one goal. That is to beat my previous time….but not just to beat it….to smash it out of the park!!! I have three months to lose 30lbs and beat my legs and body into submission….and honestly I actually believe I can do this!

So for those of you who haven’t realized yet what exactly all this “training” I am doing is for….now you know…so jump on board and get moving with me (by the way I am naming March “make it happen” month…so one way you can join me is to create a goal that you want to reach by march 31st and then work your ass off over the next few weeks to reach it….but more on that some other night).

Jess

Oh and I almost forgot. Remember way back in January when I posted that picture of my workout calendar where I write out what I did for workouts in order to keep myself motivated. Well here’s a picture of this month’s calendar (to the right)...as you can see I started the month out slowly (so slow in fact I wasn’t doing anything) but over the past few weeks things have finally gotten back on track)!!! Here’s hoping March looks even better!!!

The Excuse that makes me want to SCREAM (and I am NOT a screamer)...

Hey Guys…


So I am about to head into a nine days stretch at work where I have to work 8 of those nine days and therefore I wanted to jump on here and post something just in case I can’t get around to it the rest of the week (and well cause let’s face it… I’m a girl and I like to talk)!

Anyway, today I want to talk a little bit about excuses….or actually just one excuse that I hear over and over and over again from friends and family about working out. I cannot tell you the amount of times I hear in my day, “well I can’t work out because I don’t have a gym membership” or “I can’t work out because I don’t have equipment”. That is the biggest lie in the world! You do not need a gym membership or any fancy equipment to get a good work out…and I am solid proof of that!

Most people assume that since I’ve lost so much weight I must be the queen of the gym. The reality however is that I HATE going to the gym. In fact I am pretty much intimidated by everything in there (I don’t really know how to use most of the machines and I always feel like everyone is looking at me even if they aren’t, which is just…well…. awkward). When I first started out losing weight I did two things in particular. One, I walked (and I mean walked. I would grab my headphones and walk out the door not to return for at least an hour) and then I got one of those cheap little foam steps that are like a foot off the ground and I’d just stepped off and on it for hours at a time (I know it sounds boring…but I would either watch TV while doing it or make a game out of it by trying to beat how many steps I could take per minute).

Now a day’s I’ve moved on to running, biking, elliptical, weight training, and my all time favorite (all though quite a killer workout) stair climbing/running (I prefer to do this down at the local high school track but in the winter it’s kind of hard so I do a hundred sets on the staircase pictured to your right….so really it’s nothing fancy). With the exception of using an elliptical (which I was lucky enough to get for a birthday present two years ago) and a bike the only real equipment I use is my own body weight and dumbbells (which are completely affordable). So I don’t want to hear any more about this “I can’t cause…” business! You can DO it! You should do it! So get out there and DO IT! No excuses!

Jess

Getting back in the right mind set... week 1 of training!

  Hey peeps..what up?!?!  So it's been a pretty busy week for me but  I finally got back into training mode and have been killing it in workouts as well as getting my nutrition under control.  I've also been taking more time to focus on me....which has involved spending more time away from my sister and more time focusing on things I enjoy (like bible study, friends, and running).  It seems like for the first time in a while I am finally being able to tackle my dream of running on all four cylinders this year!
  So one thing I've learned this first week in training (cause lets face it, if the journery is the destination then I better be learning something along the way) is that the basics really are important!  I am one of those people who will skip out on stretching in order to save time, or will run as soon as I am done eatting for the same reason).  Twice this week I was reminded just how much these things are a no-no.  For one running directly after eating not only gave me the worse side ache ever...but also made for a miserable run, at a slower place, and just all around fustration.  And then on the two nights where I tried to skim out on my stretching, I woke up the next  morning so sore and stiff that my body didn't even want to get out of bed.  SO incase you are wondering....there is a reason the basics are the basics!
  Oh and another thing that I am going to try out this week is this one a day vitamin that dissolves in water.  Since I've been young I've always had a really hard time swallowing pills.  However lately I have been extremely tired and think it probably comes from the fact that I don't get nearly enough of the vitamins I need from my food (for example I'm not a vegan but I don't enjoy meat..so I know for sure that I lack iron).  So when I saw this in the store today I thought it was worth the try.  I'll keep you all updated on whether or not it makes any difference.
  Well for now this is all, gotta get some sleep considering most days this week I've been up way past my bed time to watch the olympics (can you say "Go team USA!"....way to inspire a nation)!
Jess

Just a little pep talk!

Hey Friends!


So I don’t know about you but I am a HUGE fan of the Olympics! There’s just something about watching normal people push their bodies to extremes and then prove the impossible possible! The thing is, we only see a tiny fraction of what it takes to stand on the podium with a gold medal around your neck (hee hee… I act like I would know) and it’s those moments…the ones that nobody sees that really inspire me! In fact in the words of Apolo Anton Ohno "If I have given my all and still do not win, I haven’t lost. Others might remember winning or losing; I remember the journey." You see it’s not about the moment in the spotlight….it’s about the blood sweat and tears you leave on the gym floor when nobody is watching!

Jess

Why is it?!?!

  So I am not nor will I ever be the kind of person who actually looks forward to working out.  Infact I am actually more so the type of person who absolutely dreads the idea of it until about half way through a workout session, at which point I switch from dread to excitment at the idea that it's almost over.  So why is it that almost every time I work out as soon as its done I think about how I should do it more often.  It's like the euphoria of actually accomplishing something clouds my judgement and I automatically start thinking about getting up early the next day to do it again or planning my schedule better so that I can figure out how to fit in more regular workouts.  Sadly that feeling only lasts about an hour or two and by morning I'm back to dreading my workouts and finding every excuse in the book not to fit it in.

 Now if only I could find a way to bottle my post workout motivation...then not only would I always find myself on track...but I would also find myself quite rich...hee hee

The opposite of worry is….

By nature, I am a worry wart….always have been and probably always will be. Call it an in ability to trust God or an overzealous need for control…but none the less I can stress myself out on the drop of the dime over some of the most needless things. In terms of weight loss….well that can just wreak havoc for me. I mean we all know that stress produces cortizol which leads to belly fat. But for me stress also leads to a need to eat…food is comfort to me…even though ultimately in the end it becomes anything but.

Lately I have been finding myself stressing out so much …almost to the point that I have this constant ball of tightness in my stomach (like a stomach ache or ulcer)…and then it hits me….the only thing that I can truly control in this life is my body (which includes everything from my emotions to my weight). I have control over what I put in my mouth and ultimately I have control over whether or not I work out. I can control how much weight I lose and how much I gain but the amount of effort I put into this journey.

Now don’t get me wrong…I see I am treading a very fine line here. I mean we all have read how this kind of behavior and/or thought process can lead to all sorts of eating disorders. But what I am saying is…it’s time to take some of my power back. I feel like in so many ways life has once again stolen bits and pieces of me….and I’m slowly reverting back to this place of not knowing who I am and what I am capable of. It’s time to change that….it’s time to take back some control….it’s time to show life that it can knock me down but it will never knock me out!

And that’s my personal pep talk for the night…hee hee!

Jess

Out with the Old, in with the New..the January/February Edition...

Well, now that January is pretty much coming to a close I thought it would be a bit appropriate to do a bit of soul searching. Okay so really I got nothing too deep on my mind just some reflecting and goal planning for the months past and future. In January I had a goal to lose 10lbs…as of my last weigh in I lost a grand total of 5.5lbs…a teeny tiny bit more than half my goal and pretty much a bit over a pound a week…so I got no complaints. In February my goal is not so much pounds related as it is health related. I’ve decided that for Lent I am going to give up drinking coffee (I know crazy right! Especially for a coffee lover like me. However I find that most mornings I wake up with the feeling that I HAVE to have my morning coffee or I can’t possibly make it through my day, and well the only thing that should have that sort of power over me is God). I’m not much of a soda drinker or a juice drinker, so hopefully this will in turn also help me to reach my first goal of the month, which is to drink at least 64oz of water a day (yes that involves many more trips to the bathroom in the day but for a girl who constantly lives in a state of dehydration it’s probably a good thing I try to drink more). My second goal is simply to walk 2 miles a day (or jog if I feel up to it). I know, I know…that seems like such a pitiful goal for a girl whose done all these races and once prided herself on burning insane amounts of calories per workout, but the reality is this past month I struggled A LOT with getting workouts in (mostly because I had it in my head that I had to go BIG or should just do nothing at all). This month it’s all about just doing something….next month we can build from there.


Alright so those are my goals for the coming month. What are yours?

Jess

my science of emotional eating....

SO if you’ve been reading my blog for any stretch of time you might have noticed that I am the queen of emotional eating. In general I am an emotional person anyway, but I am also not very good at expressing myself and so I tend to turn to food for the comfort that I wish I could find in so many other places. Having been on this weight loss journey for a while now I know that in the long run food never satisfies….in fact usually after a binge all I end up feeling is eaters remorse on top of whatever unidentifiable emotion I was feeling before I turned to food. And I’m an extreme case when it comes to binging. I’m not the girl who eats a bag of chips and feels bad…..no I’m the girl who when on a binge will eat a bag of chips, popcorn, cookies, donuts, and then wash that down with ice cream, pie, and endless amounts of caloric drinks….the whole time knowing I’m making the wrong choice but choosing also in the moment not to care! So the question remains…why do I keep doing this?!?!




Well for one I think it has a lot to do with the fact I already mentioned… I don’t know how to express myself very well. It seems that on top of being the queen of emotional eating I am also the queen of wanting other people to really like me….and so I’ve grown accustomed to being the person who shares what I think other people will accept of me and keeps the rest bottled in (in turn basically telling myself that I don’t even truly believe the whole me is good enough). Those left over emotions eventually build up over time to the point where I can no longer figure out where they are coming from or how to address them…so I do what I know how to do…EAT! Sure in the end it doesn’t change anything….but for a brief moment I can satisfy one of my needs….I can figure out what I am craving…and I can have it. In a very twisted way it makes me feel like I can at least do something right for myself (well maybe it’s not “right” but you know what I mean)!



So where does that leave me? I know what I do…I have ideas why I do it…but yet I have no plans on how to STOP. I don’t want to be this type of person the rest of my life. I know there are much better alternatives out there in terms of satisfaction. In fact one place I find myself turning to more and more is my faith. For me…faith isn’t this flighty concept with a distant God. To me…my relationship with God is the realist thing I know. God is the only person who knows EVERYTHING about me and is still there…He hasn’t turned His back on me…and that amazes me every moment of every day! So why is it that I don’t invite God into my weight loss journey?!?! Not that God can keep me from eating cupcake after cupcake, but I know He is the only thing that can ever truly satisfy…so instead of food maybe I need to learn to turn to him…with not just my life but my emotions (as if the two are truly separate).



Anyway…I guess this is more of a “sort things out in my own mind” kind of blog….but it’s reality….. These are the things I struggle with…day in and day out….without ever really talking about it. Time to open up ….open up the possibility that things can and will be different!



Jess

sometimes you just have to try something new...

Hey there!


So it seems that I have become quite bad about blogging this month. I started off great and then I think life just got in the way….well, either that or I realized that I didn’t have too many “important” things to say and figured I should wait until I do…which as you can see doesn’t seem to be that often. But I guess what that just proves is that I am missing the whole point of this blog… I mean this about sharing my weight loss journey…and my journey to a better, more whole me….and sometimes…well I am just boring (gee doesn’t that just make you want to keep reading!).

Anyway…this past weekend I actually did do some exciting things and so I thought what the hay, let’s share!

First thing first…I had my second cooking lesson on Friday (yeay for friends willing to put up with my endless naïve questioning about such things as “Why is the water gurgling” and “When do I season”)! This week’s lesson was all about couscous, the perfect veggie mix, and chicken (my first lesson was on fish and risotto). On top of that I spent a good hour in the grocery store getting taught the importance of eating fresh and all the great things you can find in just the produce section (it was kind of like being on “Take home chef”….well without the really hot Australian guy)! Anyway this week’s lesson was extremely important too because it all boiled down to me being able to make an entire dinner for my parents for their anniversary without any help (which I did today). I gotta say watching people cooking is so much easier then actually doing it. The very process of throwing a little of this and a little of that into a pot and coming out with something that tastes even remotely good, pretty much overwhelms me (let alone it never quite works out for me)!

Anyway it turns out that my father accidentally ate my left overs from my cooking lesson, which I had thought I had done a good job of hiding but apparently didn’t…and so today at the last minute I ended up having to combine the two lessons and came up with a dinner of salad, lemon chicken, mushroom and onion risotto, and a veggie mix of snap peas, red peppers, onion, and mushroom, with a key lime pie for desert (which was only a little tart cause I used too much limeade…a rookie mistake..hee hee)! Considering my father is a chef (well former chef) I considered it a job well done when the only thing bad thing he said was that the chicken was a bit cold (which it wouldn’t have been if he had come home from church on time)! Now I think it’s time to try conquering some of the recipes in all the cookbooks people have been sending my way (see picture to the right).

Oh and for another moment of excitement in my life….today I followed the words of Jillian Michaels and “Felt the fear and did it anyway”! Basically I am not really good about ever really wanting to put myself out there. I like the idea of change but the footwork…or actually the idea that the footwork could actually lead to my rejection….usually holds me back from actually doing anything to really change my life. Well lately I’ve been having a difficult time with accepting the beliefs of my church and so I’ve been thinking a lot about checking out this other church that I pass every day on my way to work. All week I planned that today would be the day I would do that since I was planning to spend the weekend at my parent’s house and the church is seriously 5 minutes from their door. Well when it actually came time to go this morning I was so nervous about it. I mean it’s not like anyone invited me to go or like I had a good reason for just showing up. I figured I would stand out like a sore thumb and I wasn’t really sure if it even was the kind of church I would truly feel comfortable attending (mostly because I knew very little about it). Anyway I almost completely convinced myself to skip church and hang out at the coffee shop for the morning, when I realized that I couldn’t do that. It’s like I had this moment where I felt like I was deciding to shrink back into this old lesser version of me or I could choose to just put one foot in front of the other, put myself out there, and see what happens. So I went and I loved the service (actually it was probably the first time in almost a year where I truly felt the presence of God in a service) and was really glad I went (even though as I was leaving the pastor stopped me and it turned into a really awkward conversation on my part).

Anyway…this is turning out to be a very long post (I guess that’s what happens when I don’t blog for almost a week). I’ll fill you all in on some more fun stuff later.

Jess

Week two gut check...

So I don’t know what happened last week….actually I do. I was so gung-ho about my first weeks weigh in that I think I pretty much let it go to my head and started thinking that I didn’t need to work as hard or watch my calories as much and wouldn’t you know it, I stepped on the scale Friday morning having gained two pounds (ugh)! Well that pretty much sucked, but it was also the gut check I really needed to remind myself that weight loss isn’t an all or nothing thing. You don’t burn yourself out in the first week if it’s not going to be sustainable for the next week and you don’t think that just because you lost weight the first week means you can slack the next. Ultimately this is about life…and that’s no way to live. So this week it’s been all about getting back on track in terms of creating a healthy lifestyle that will work in my every day, day to day operations. And guess what? As of this morning I was already down three pounds which means I am inching ever so closely back to being under 200lbs and I’ve also lost the weight I gained last week plus another pound bringing me to my lowest weight in over six months…whoo hoo! Only a few more days to weigh end so it’s no time to get cocky now…but it’s nice to know I am heading back in the right direction!!!

Jess

Step one....Admittance.

Hey guys!


So this week I have proven once again that I am a total food addict. I don’t know what it is… I can do great all day and then I get home at night and I’m like a ravenous beast who can’t possibly get enough food (and it’s not like I’m really starving or like I’m truly hungry because usually the stuff I go for is CRAP with a capital C!). I mean seriously it’s kind of like an alcoholic who just has to have that one last drink (except of course the last drink is never the last drink until they hit rock bottom)… I am pretty much addicted to food and since I can’t just stop eating I’m kind of stuck (sometimes it really sucks that I am such a black and white person)! To top this off I have seriously only had one good workout this week…one…and we are six days into the workout week. I can pretty much assume from that assessment that the scale isn’t going to be all that friendly to me this week…but I guess I deserve the snub since I really haven’t put in the work.

I guess in some sense it’s time to go back to the drawing board….I mean I obviously need to eat enough to get me through an eight hour work day and a one hour workout, but not so much that I’m compulsively overeating like food is going out of style at the end of the day. To help I’ve done a bit of research on the topic of overeating and one of the number one things they say to do if you find yourself doing this is to tell someone. Again I guess it’s kind of like an alcoholic who can’t defeat their addiction without first admitting there’s a problem. So I guess that’s what I am doing here… I admit it…. I am a food addict…at times I overeat just because (I know there’s got to be more to it than just because it tastes good to me… I mean I wish I was like some of my friends who don’t crave crap anymore and don’t enjoy eating it, but that’s not me…)…but no matter the reason it needs to stop! I will not go thru another year gaining and losing the same ten pounds over and over again like I have the past six months. I will find a way and I will move forward (so if you got any ideas or tips feel free to help a girl out okay?!)!

Jess

Down to business... Week 1 weigh in results...

Hey there!!! Okay so unlike last night when I said I was going to be short and then wasn’t … tonight is just a drive by post.

So today was my first official weigh in of the New Year and guess what?!?! I lost 7.5lbs!!! Whoo hoo!!! In my mind I can rationalize away all the reasons why I lost such a large amount of weight and make it seem like no big deal, but instead I am choosing to celebrate it!!! I worked hard this week and chose to make healthier decisions when easier, less healthy ones were always avaiable!  I deserve this!!!  In fact I’ve even decided to take it one step further and use this week’s weigh in as motivation to prove with next week’s weigh in that this wasn’t just a fluke (if that makes sense). I will have another good number next week and I will be out of the 200’s once again and for all times sake by the end of this month (and hopefully sooner).

And for all you math geeks (I mean genius’s) out there here’s the breakdown of my weight in:

Starting weight: 214

Current weight: 206.5

Lbs lost this week: 7.5

% of weight loss: 3.05%



Night all =)

Jess

One of these days it was bound to happen....

Hey there! So quick note from me tonight because I really need to head to bed (I have to work in the morning and it’s getting late), but I was quite proud of myself so I wanted to share something I did today. So in my mind I am a great cook…I picture myself on stage cooking with the greats like bobby flay and Curtis stone (although as you can see although I enjoy cooking my knowledge of actual chefs is limited)…concocting some amazing meal out of scratch that wows the world. In reality though I can make some decent eggs and a few varieties of prepared chicken breast but that is about it….that is until tonight!


So I had the day off from work today and so I planned all day to make dinner. I wanted to make something healthy but tasteful and I wanted to be able to actually make it correctly. I ended up googling a recipe for turkey burgers online this morning though and since I couldn’t find exactly what I wanted I just decided to fudge it and come up with something of my own based on a memory of something I once saw on Rachel ray (years ago my BIL use to watch Rachel Ray every night and I use to comment on how funny I thought it was…who knew something from that show would someday be useful to me).

Well after the morning relaxing at Fivebucks (affectionately named that cause it costs you an arm and a leg to have anything other than coffee there) I headed to the grocery store to pick up my ingredients, then I did some prep work and after some time to relax I spent another 30 minutes in the kitchen creating this beauty (see pic to right)!!!

That would be a homemade garden salad filled with red leaf lettuce, snap peas, tomato, strawberry and parmesan cheese and topped with balsamic vinaigrette. Then you have a homemade turkey burger with feta cheese, tomato and garlic mixed in and then topped with lettuce and two slices of turkey bacon and all on lightly toasted piece of wheat bread (a sandwich totaling about 360 calories) and on the side we have homemade sweet potatoes fries lightly seasoned with garlic, pepper, and sea salt!

So all together the meal ended up being about 710 calories but since I missed lunch (I know horrible but by the time I got home and prepped the food, then put on laundry, cleaned the kitchen and cleaned two bathrooms it was already an hour before dinner so I just figured I might as well wait) I wasn’t too upset about such a high calorie dinner. Plus….and here’s the best part… it was actually really tasty!!! Go me (hee hee…yes I am self bragging here).

Anyway that’s a bit of a triumph for me and since I don’t want this blog to just be about working out and my emotional side (cause let’s face it I do a lot of…let’s just say venting…on here) I figured this would be the perfect thing to share!

Jess

Well so much for being short….but PS… my mom had surgery tonight to remove some nodules in her neck and her thyroid. She made it though surgery and is fine but they told her tonight that some of the nodules look suspicious so they are sending them off to be tested. Now considering we are now just coming up on the one year anniversary of my BIL’s passing from cancer in his NECK…we are all a little on edge…so prayers would be greatly appreciated!!!

An Underlying Confession…

So the other night my sister and I had one of our talks...the kind we have every few months when one or both of us realize that something is not working and our living situation has gone to the pits. It was a good conversation...different than I expected but good. Surprisingly in the midst of our conversation I made a confession that I don’t think I’ve spoken out loud all year…and that is that I’m just not happy. I realize now looking back on the conversation that my comment could have been taken a million ways but really what I meant was I wasn’t happy on the inside and no matter what we change in our relationship that fact will never change unless I do something about it.

The reality is I haven’t been happy for a while and honestly it stems from not being comfortable in my own skin. When I was my heaviest at 310lbs I was super unhappy. I would cry myself to sleep and felt alone in the world. I hated who I was and who I was becoming. But I never expected to still feel that way after losing over 100lbs. Yet here I sit still 102lbs lighter than I was then and still not satisfied. In fact I think that’s why I enjoy the concept of “abundant life” so much….this idea that every moment in life can be so full that it’s bursting at the seems and you can’t help but lose yourself in the pure emotion of it all. That’s the kind of life I want to lead…but I can’t…cause I’m stuck in this overweight body that holds me back from being as confident and forth coming as God created me to be.

That’s why this year I am eagerly looking forward to working on all aspects of my life. I’ve started a wall of thanks in my room where each night I write one thing I am thankful for so that every day I am reminded of the good things I have in my life. I also started reading my bible consistently again and really spending time remembering who God is and what he’s been/done for me. And today was the first day this year that I got in a real workout (not one of those cheesy ones I tend to do when I’m not sure what to do) and reminded myself that I have the power to change anything in my life…I’ve just got to be willing to put in the time and effort.

I believe this is going to be a year of restoration for me. A year where I am reminded of the true joy I once knew (and not just because I was skinnier but because I was finally being myself and living life) and an opportunity to not only love myself more but to find that joy unspeakable that I know God has promised me!

I am not sure where this journey will lead…what it’s going to look like or how in any way it will play out…but I am committed to being honest and to sharing from the heart where ever I may go. So maybe this is a few days late…but here’s to 2010!

Jess

Off to a rough start...

Hey there!

SO it’s day two into the new year and guess what?!? I’m sick! How annoying is that! I had all these plans for what I wanted to do in the new year and what goals I was looking forward to reaching …and two days into the new year I’m stuck in bed wishing for death (okay so maybe not really for death…but the way I was feeling this morning I could have at least gone for my mommy)!

Anyway I guess the good thing about having time to rest is that I get to think about all the things I am normally too busy to think about. For instance today I thought a lot about what I want in the New Year…or maybe more so the things I don’t want. Last year was a hard year for me….my life changed completely and once again I found myself in that place where I came last. I am done with that! I love my family and I love being there for people but this year I’m going back to focusing on me! Don’t get me wrong I’m still gonna give, just not at the sacrifice of myself anymore…cause I matter too (you know)!

So some things I decided that I am done with in 2010 are… feeling bad when other people don’t understand why I focus so much on my weight loss….Letting other people treat me bad and just taking it cause I’m afraid of losing another friendship (albeit a crappy one) in my life….stressing over things that I cannot change (even if originally I made the bad decision or mistake to bring it on)….trying to figure out how other people are feeling and where they are coming from when they are unwilling just to tell me (I’m not a telepathic people…I can’t read minds so please just be real)….And complaining about situations that I am not willing to change (I need to remember that nothing is going to change unless I make it, so unless I’m willing to put in the work or take the chance I need to stop complaining so much).

So I don’t know, maybe that’s a bit of a pessimistic outlook heading into a new year, but in some sense I think it’s good…I mean half the battle of knowing what you really want in life is knowing what you don’t…so in some sense I guess I’m half way there!

Jess